#1
Little Johnny was riding his toy train thru the house stopping in each room on his way shouting "All you fuckers getting on get on. All you fuckers getting off get off." He pulled into the kitchen where his mother was washing dishes and pulled to a stop and hollered "All you fuckers getting on get on. All you fuckers getting off get off."Immediately his mother turned and slapped him across the face knocking little Johnny off of his train. Little Johnny got up and looked at his mother and said "Keep fucking around bitch I'm already a half hour behind schedule!"

It's been a long day at work. Goodnight UG.
Feel free to share your fav "Little Johnny" jokes.
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#3
wow that was a lame joke
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#6
Quote by Echoplex
That's barely funny and not even a joke (if it is, i dont get it.)


Yeah i wondered if I'd missed the joke there...
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#7
Little Johnny was about an hour late coming home from school one day. When he walked through the door, his mom said "Johnny, where have you been?!"

Little Johnny said "I was helping at the construction site!"

Mom: "Oh? and what were you doing there?"

Little Johnny: "I was helping them put up a door!"

Mom: "And how did you do that?"

Little Johnny: "Well, you hold the door up to the frame, and if it's too big you take a c*nt hair off here and a c*nt hair off there, hold it up again and if it's still too big you take another c*nt hair off here and another c*nt hair off there...."

By now, mom is furious.

Mom: "Little Johnny! Go out back and get me a switch!"

Little Johnny: "F*ck you, that's the electrician's job"
-Guitar Gear-
1995 American Fender Strat, EMG 85 pup
Randall RH200 Head
Marshall 1960a Cab
Woods Acoustic
-Bass Gear-
Spector Legend 4 bass
Washburn Bantam bass
Hartke HA2500
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Play what you love, love what you play
#8
Haha, real nice. The second one was better than the first but the first was ALRIGHT, a little funny though, I may be alone on that one though..
#9
I don't really know if this is a little johny joke..but its hilarious

A boy goes up to his grandpa and see's that hes drinking a beer.
Boy: Hey Grandpa, can i have a beer?
Grandpa: Well can your dick touch your asshole?
Boy: Of course not it's too small
Grandpa: than no you can't

Later On the boy comes back and see's that the grandpa is smoking a cigar.
Boy: Hey Grandpa, can i have a cigar?
Grandpa: Can your dick touch your asshole?
Boy: No it's too small
Grandpa: Than no you can;t

Later on the boy comes out with a batch of cookies.
Grandpa: Hey, can i have one of those cookies
Boy: Well can your dick touch your asshole
Grandpa: Yes it can
Boy: Than Go fu*k yourself, grandma made these for me

"You've got to dance like nobody else is watching.
Dream like you will live forever.
Live like you're going to die tomorrow,
and love like it is never gonna hurt."
-- James Dean (1931-1955)

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This man has the right idea.


^
oh yeahhh
#10
Quote by The-Trooper94
I don't really know if this is a little johny joke..but its hilarious

A boy goes up to his grandpa and see's that hes drinking a beer.
Boy: Hey Grandpa, can i have a beer?
Grandpa: Well can your dick touch your asshole?
Boy: Of course not it's too small
Grandpa: than no you can't

Later On the boy comes back and see's that the grandpa is smoking a cigar.
Boy: Hey Grandpa, can i have a cigar?
Grandpa: Can your dick touch your asshole?
Boy: No it's too small
Grandpa: Than no you can;t

Later on the boy comes out with a batch of cookies.
Grandpa: Hey, can i have one of those cookies
Boy: Well can your dick touch your asshole
Grandpa: Yes it can
Boy: Than Go fu*k yourself, grandma made these for me



That me me laugh until I got a boner.
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#11
It was Little Johnny's 14th birthday. His parents were poor, so all they could afford to give him was one of the ducks that lived on their farm. Little Johnny looked dissapointed, but it's all they could give, so they sent him out to walk his duck.

As he gets into town, he passes a local brothel. One of the women working was having a cigarette outside and noticed Johnny walking the duck. She asked "hey kid, what's with the duck?" Little Johnny said "It's all I got for my birthday." The woman thought a moment and said "Tell you what kid. I can't work for free but if you give me the duck I'll give you a REAL present." Little Johnny handed her the duck and they went inside.

About 45 minutes later, Little Johnny was getting dressed and the woman was telling one of her friends how amazing it was. She didn't believe her, so they walked over and the woman said "Tell you what kid, you can have your duck back if you do what you did to me to my friend."

Another 45 minutes later, Little Johnny was sitting outside the brothel with the duck looking very satisfied. A couple of nuns walked by, noticed Little Johnny, and said "Boy, I'll give you $5 never to go into that place again!" Little Johnny agreed and took the money.

As Little Johnny was walking home, he started crossing a street and a car came screeching up to the intersection, hitting and killing the duck. The man driving jumped out distressed. "OH MY GOD! Kid, I'm so sorry for killing your pet duck! Here's $50, I'm so sorry!" Little Johnny shrugged, took the money, and continued his way home.

When he walked through the door, his mom said "Little Johnny, how was your birthday? Where's your duck?"

Little Johnny: "Well, I got a f*ck for a duck, a duck for a f*ck, five bucks not to f*ck, and fifty bucks for a f*cked up duck."

(That one works better if you do it spoken. Delivery is key )
-Guitar Gear-
1995 American Fender Strat, EMG 85 pup
Randall RH200 Head
Marshall 1960a Cab
Woods Acoustic
-Bass Gear-
Spector Legend 4 bass
Washburn Bantam bass
Hartke HA2500
Fender Bassman 410H
Play what you love, love what you play
#12
this reminds me of when i was a youngen..i would go around saying hurry hurry drive that fire****..instead of truck i said the F bomb..boy was i wrong
#13
<Edit of the first joke, as I heard it>

Little Johnny was in the living room playing with his train set. From the kitchen, his mom hears "Alright, all you motherf*ckers getting on the train get on, and all you motherf*ckers getting off the train get off!" Mom comes out of the kitchen and says "Little Johnny!! That language is horrible, go to your room and think about what you've said!"

30 minutes later, mom calls Little Johnny down. Mom says "Little Johnny, did you think about what you've said?" "Yes mom" "Alright Johnny, go play with your trains."

So mom goes back into the kitchen, and from the living room hears "Alright, all you nice people getting on the train get on, and all you nice people getting off the train get off, and for those of you upset about the delay, blame the b*tch in the kitchen."
-Guitar Gear-
1995 American Fender Strat, EMG 85 pup
Randall RH200 Head
Marshall 1960a Cab
Woods Acoustic
-Bass Gear-
Spector Legend 4 bass
Washburn Bantam bass
Hartke HA2500
Fender Bassman 410H
Play what you love, love what you play
#14
The teacher asks everyone in the class to demonstrate something exciting. When Johnny's turn came, he walked to the blackboard and drew a small dot. "What's that?" the teacher asked, puzzled. "It's a period." – "Well, I see that, but what's exciting about a period?" – "Darned if I know, but this morning my sister said she missed one... Dad had a heart attack, mom fainted, and the guy next door shot himself."
#15
Quote by The Slunk
The teacher asks everyone in the class to demonstrate something exciting. When Johnny's turn came, he walked to the blackboard and drew a small dot. "What's that?" the teacher asked, puzzled. "It's a period." – "Well, I see that, but what's exciting about a period?" – "Darned if I know, but this morning my sister said she missed one... Dad had a heart attack, mom fainted, and the guy next door shot himself."



Alright, I got one more..

Little Johnny was in his first day of class with his new teacher, fresh out of college. Eager to try out her child psychology, she stood in front of the class and said "O.K. children, I want any of you who thinks that you're stupid to stand up."

Several minutes went by and nobody moved. Finally, Little Johnny stood up.

The teacher said "Little Johnny, do you think you're stupid?"

Little Johnny said "No, I just hated seeing you standing up there all by yourself."
-Guitar Gear-
1995 American Fender Strat, EMG 85 pup
Randall RH200 Head
Marshall 1960a Cab
Woods Acoustic
-Bass Gear-
Spector Legend 4 bass
Washburn Bantam bass
Hartke HA2500
Fender Bassman 410H
Play what you love, love what you play