#1
yep yep

i think it sounds pretty tight. i even threw a solo in there.

edit : totally finished song. updated solo, lyrics, and i hope to play it with a band soon
Attachments:
yesss.zip
Last edited by ninja.kitty at Aug 21, 2008,
#2
I always love my ninja.kitty pop punk.

nice riffs. you did a lot with only a few notes. everything flowed really nicely. drums seemed a tad bit too loud though. I like the lead riff during the verse especially. and during the chorus, I suggest playing the lead riff up an octave. Just a thought though. solo was cool. awesome pop punk solo sound although a couple of the notes sounded a bit off. lead on the second verse was also cool. the drum entrance in the transition seemed way too sudden. I don't know, maybe a fade in or something?

but other than that, cool song. I love your stuff.
...Nothing you've ever...
...Planned on ever turned out...
...The way you planned...


...You're still disappointing them...
#3
i know at the end i accidentally had my crash cymbals at fff every other one. oops. i fixed that though :P

thanks for the comment <3
#4
Nice!

Great opening riff

I absolutely love bar 16

The verse riff kind of reminds me of a Dream Theater song, can't remember which, but either way it's great.

I like the solo, but at the same time I don't. It just doesn't feel like a solo, it feels more like some fills and rhythmic variations more than an actual solo. Still, it's a cool part.

The transition doesn't seem quite right either. It feels like it happens just a little too fast, like there should be a really brief pause between the A# slide out and the actual start of the transition riff.

The only other thing is it ended kind of weird. It sounded like it should have ended on the F instead of the D#.

But either way it's a great song.
#5
Hey ninja heres my crit;

Intro: I liked the main riff - the bass and drums contributed well to the overall feel in intros 1 & 2. I thought that intro 3 sounded a little bit cluttered but still the main riff is good. I think that maybe changing guitar 2 a little might help. Overall: Good

Verse1: one of he best parts of the song i thought - definitely for me the middle bit before the bends was great, the bends were also good but the highlight of the section is the middle part of verse1. Overall: Great

Chorus 1: Not much to say here - another killer riff and i thought the drums complimented it nicely. Overall: Good

Verse 2: The best part - i really like verse 2 all the tracks fit together well to create a great driving rhythm - the best part of the song for sure: Overall: Great

Chorus 2: Much the same as chorus 1 so no extra comments here. Overall: Good

Solo: I agree with Icronic about the solo feeling at times a bit like a collection of fills. They are good fills but i didnt get the rising to a crescendo feeling that you get in the solos i like. Bars 40-41 have some good notes in them but maybe tinker with the rhythm a bit to lose the "its the same rhythm as the chorus and verse" feeling. Bars 42-44 were my favorite part of the solo but again didnt quite feel like a solo. Still enjoyable though. Overall: OK

Transition: I think that if you blended this more into to end of the solo so that it wasnt so abrupt this would work. Apart from that its good. Overall: Good

Chorus 3: Same as before. Overall: Good

Ending: I was crying out for it to end on an F5 after the D#. Add in 1 more chord at the end and its fine. Overall: OK

Song Overall: Good with some great parts to it, a little tweaking of the solo to make it more solo-like would be nice.

I hope this helps a bit (not that i am experienced at writing, these were just my thoughts when listening)

If you could take a look at my song "You Will Find Me Here" (link in my sig) and let me know what you think that would be great. I've uploaded it as GP4, GP5 & Midi in case you don't have GP5.

Qazo
Quote by philjay
*Picks up TT like handbag and smacks you over the head like an angry granny *
Try that with your rocker 30


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#6
UPDATED:

moved some things around, fixed the drums at the end.

thanks to everyone who has commented. much appreciated !
#7
The main riff was good....

BUT...

I agree with Qazo on intro 3 and the chorus being a little bit cluttered with that second guitar.

The beginning of the verse seemed kind of bland but I really enjoyed the lead that came in.

The solo, however, wasn't cutting it for me. It seemed very dry. Not enough action. Possibly add some more notes and don't stick with those straight 16ths.

Overall...It didn't wow me but it was good. Keep it up man.
#8
last update:

updated solo a bit, maybe you'll like, maybe not, but it works for me.

added lyrics and vocal line

and yep. i just wanted to bump instead of making a whole new thread.
#9
well I liked how this one turned out.
vocals seemed a bit awkward at points, but it didn't seem like anything to worry about.
great job!
...Nothing you've ever...
...Planned on ever turned out...
...The way you planned...


...You're still disappointing them...
#10
Sounds really nice, everything flowed pretty well, I especially liked the bends right before the first chorus. The only this I didn't like was the drums, too loud, too much. Lots of crashes and double strokes on the snare that I thought were a bit overdone.

The solo isn't a progressive masterpiece, but it fit the song well and I liked it.

Overall 7/10 cuz of the drums.


C4C? https://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?t=941036
#11
Cool. I liked the words, except their rhythm sometimes didn't really fit into the rest of the rhythms, were you going for a syncopated feel? Opening guitar riff with the 32nds was nice. I liked hearing the chorus tag in the vocals, "like you always do" i sang along

Very nice, catchy, good, clean, insert compliments------------end.


crit mine?
https://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?t=940043
the ladies love when i gyrate my ass in front of a graveyard
#12
Quote by WyldChylde
Cool. I liked the words, except their rhythm sometimes didn't really fit into the rest of the rhythms, were you going for a syncopated feel? Opening guitar riff with the 32nds was nice. I liked hearing the chorus tag in the vocals, "like you always do" i sang along

Very nice, catchy, good, clean, insert compliments------------end.


crit mine?
https://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?t=940043
the vocal track was a "i-will-get-the-melody-and-rhythm-as-best-i-can-on-guitar-pro" feel. lol, thanks