#1
Crit. it, i've spent a while on this. Its kinda like All Over You by Spill Canvas. My new song:


he's making a move on my girl
i bet his face will make you hurl
she chose me , now get over it
you moving on her is a hit
on my heart

Now get over it, get yourself a clue
im so sick of you, so very ill of you
you ruin me right on cue, kill me on cue
oh if she only knew, if she only knew

you, you make my heart to bleed
and it's about her that i'm worried
it makes me reeally sad to see
you trying to take her away me
you sicken me

Now get over it, get yourself a clue
im so sick of you, so very ill of you
you ruin me right on cue, kill me on cue
oh if she only knew, if she only knew

God save your soul the day i meet you
i don't call you a stupid human zoo
cuz i will if provoked enough too
violence soon to be my subdue
im gonna hurt you

Now get over it, get yourself a clue
im so sick of you, so very ill of you
you ruin me right on cue, kill me on cue
oh if she only knew, if she only knew

She won't leave me, believe me
knowing her she won't even briefly
not even a minute shortly
to me your sounding ver bratty
and remember (she loves me!)

Now get over it, get yourself a clue
im so sick of you, so very ill of you
you ruin me right on cue, kill me on cue
oh if she only knew, if she only knew

if you make a move on her,
i'll murder you and make you a fur
and make a dumb racial slur
i can't be mean to you but er..
i hate you

Now get over it, get yourself a clue
im so sick of you, so very ill of you
you ruin me right on cue, kill me on cue
oh if she only knew, if she only knew

i call her more than you ever would
i've known her longer then you ever could
i've loved longer than you should
get over it

Now get over it, get yourself a clue
im so sick of you, so very ill of you
you ruin me right on cue, kill me on cue
oh if she only knew, if she only knew
Myspace.

Quote by djmay71
it wasn't 7 days, it was 5.

and you call yourself the son of catholics

Quote by hugh20
I would keep it on my mantel piece and tell my grandchildren about the day I tried to overthrow the human race with my race of tree-men.
#4
I dunno... it was okay... but I think you're trying WAAAAAYYYY too hard to make everything rhyme when you really don't need to.

For example "i don't call you a stupid human zoo" ????
and
"and make a dumb racial slur
i can't be mean to you but er.."


Other than that I'd say you've done well.
Quote by kriscornella2@g
I know i wish i was as cool as you and be into Sum 41 and Taking back Sunday. Gaylord.

Quote by civildp1
you should call one of the songs, "Respecting Old People" just to mix things up.

Quote by вяaи∂ иєw
You just made a very powerful enemy BenFoffenbock.
#5
thankks
and IM PLAYING ALTERNATIVE ROCK!
Myspace.

Quote by djmay71
it wasn't 7 days, it was 5.

and you call yourself the son of catholics

Quote by hugh20
I would keep it on my mantel piece and tell my grandchildren about the day I tried to overthrow the human race with my race of tree-men.
#6
yeah, too much effort to rhyme
i used to write songs like that, but you have to realise that it doesnt have to rhyme all the time (that sentance rhymed. how ironic)
but yeah, some of the statements were kinda dumb and cliche
but still, pretty good
Quotes from other UGers in your signatures that talk about how good you are suck donkey schlong.
#7
k i will work on thyming every other line
like
i can't really rhyme
but you will soon see
that in just a little time
i will be an improved me!
Myspace.

Quote by djmay71
it wasn't 7 days, it was 5.

and you call yourself the son of catholics

Quote by hugh20
I would keep it on my mantel piece and tell my grandchildren about the day I tried to overthrow the human race with my race of tree-men.
#8
it sounds kind of like Dr. Seuss, if he went through a bad breakup. I like it though. Some parts are funny. (Intentionally or unintentionally, it's tough to say...) Anyways... good song.