#1
if you want a c4c on something specific, a link much helps. =]

Raze the Roof

Let’s sit and discuss the morality of walking through walls;
of coursing through the veins of this place like syphilis.
The writing on the lawn, (though the lighting’s all wrong)
smears something like iloveyou.
We’ll steal a deep breath, of asbestos and loneliness,
and call it home.


And I’ll count blessings like calories,
because optimism’s in my blood,
and my cells can’t cope with sincerity like they should.
I prick every finger that brushed past this place,
suck out the venom,
hold it on my tongue like wine.

A toast to the new year, with blood and broken glass.

A toast to the corpses of my past, and especially to
those still tied up in the trunk,
just trying to catch their breath as if it did
something criminal.
I owe a ton of people critiques.

If you're one of them, please PM me.

I have trouble keeping track.
Last edited by Fly, Marlowe at Aug 17, 2008,
#2
i really like it,very deep but still i understand what you are saying very good!
#3
A very entertaining read.

You had some very clever ideas here. I particularly loved the line about counting blessings like calories, as well as the line that followed.

And the whole last stanza is excellent. I look forward to reading more of your stuff.