ok... I play like 1-2 hrs a day. jam with budddies twice a week (on average)
bends the strings moderately (not too much of too often)
and i use a set of 9's cause im a p*ssy

if i were using a brand new guitar (lets say like a MIM Strat) how long would the fret last before i have to either refret it or change the neck?
(not talking about redressing)

i've heard bunch of people who say that they bend a lot and they either refret or get a new neck every like 5 years
i mean wow that's a lotta money to put in... i would think the frets would last longer

well i guess for something like MIM strats just getting a new neck would be cheaper than getting it refreted.... but still, how long would it normally take with that kinda play schedule before the frets run out of life?
It depends entirely on the quality of the fretwire and how much/hard you play.

I'd say a refret in 5 years is a bit excessive. Maybe a recrown every few year, and after about 3 of those (if they are jumbo to start with) they become too low to recrown and you'll have to refret.

It also depends on which frets you play the most, you could get away with a partial refret or recrowns if you just strum chords or something.