#1
C4C As normal

A new song I've written, not much to say really. I really like it, what do you guys think?


Verse 1

My face is only scarred
In a contrast to yours
The joy on my face is charred
The horror plastered to the pores
The skin roughend and hard
The latest fiend walks the floors

Chorus x2

My Face in the Darkness
Laughing at the pain
A little happiness in my life
I'm so glad that you came

Verse 2

Leave behind all you know
It can never help you here
Sit back enjoy the show
The choice remains unclear
Let the evil in you grow
Do you wanna live in fear?


Verse 3

The sharp blade on your face
Ripping the fabric of this life
Leaving leaders in disgrace
Their world falling to a knife
Living in the death embrace
A city binded to strife

Verse 4

When I abandon this place
Your life shall be transformed
As the schemes of those thinkers
Will by my hand be reformed
You have had your final call
Now prepare to lose it all
This smile is all you'll see
The only thing that's left of me
All I want is for everyone to go to hell...
...It's the last place I was seen before I lost myself



Quote by DisarmGoliath
You can be the deputy llamma of the recordings forum!
Last edited by ChemicalFire at Aug 11, 2008,
#2
Woot,liked it...hated verse2,loved the rest especially verse three,intros bit boring,i just wonder how you plan to put this into action,unless its just something random to waste time,it's worth pursuing.
a little lost.....
#3
verse two seems slightly misplaced within this song, but otherwise I really do like it. The chorus really evens out the dark verses which makes the whole song sound sort of positive.

Well written, well written indeed
#4
I think it was solid overall.
I liked the rhyme in these two lines
"Nothing anyone can do
The city under my shoe"
but the chorus seemed a little out of place for me. And the chaos/reason thing didn't work for me in verse 2. It felt redundant.

http://ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?p=15699113#post15699113
Quote by icaneatcatfood
On second thought, **** tuning forks. You best be carrying around a grand piano that was tuned by an Italian
#5
Quote by ChemicalFire
C4C As normal

A new song I've written, not much to say really. I really like it, what do you guys think?


Verse 1

My face is only scarred
In a contrast to yours
This is an interesting beginning, it hooked me right away.
The joy on my face is charred
The horror plastered to the pores
The reason beyond the pain-
Than it took to break this order's chain
Not a huge fan of the rhyming couplet at the end of the verse.

Chorus x2

My Face in the Darkness
Laughing at the pain
A little happiness in my life
I'm so glad that you came
Somewhat generic, but well written nonetheless

Verse 2

Here my reason is chaos
While chaos is my reason
This is a little weak.
Behold my past Bathos
Converted to pain within
Scream to see my skull smile
The blood running all the while
Overall, this verse was a little weak.

Verse 3

The sharp blade on your face
Ripping the fabric of this life
Leaving leaders in disgrace
Their world falling to a knife
This is catchy.
Nothing anyone can do
The city under my shoe

Verse 4

When I abandon this place
Your life shall be transformed
As the schemes of those thinkers
Will by my hand be reformed
The wording here seems off.
You have had your final call
Now prepare to lose it all
This smile is all you'll see
The only thing that's left of me


Nice ending. Overall, quite a good piece.
#6
Verse 1&4 - good - others could of been better mate. Its all a little dramatic with the constant blade/kinife/slicing/pain imagery.
A total re-working on everything apart from 1 and 4 would make this far better.
Not much to say here.

Digitally Clean
#7
I've updated the original.

Sorry I haven't been C4C-ing, I've been busy over the last few days. I'll get on that tomorrow.
All I want is for everyone to go to hell...
...It's the last place I was seen before I lost myself



Quote by DisarmGoliath
You can be the deputy llamma of the recordings forum!
#9
did u write this after seeing batman? lol
A ship in a harbor is safe, but that's not what ships were made for.