#3
To female dog, from cousin: "I'll chop your ****ing dick off!"
Quote by Portuguese_boy
(Progressive Metal is) like playing Nirvana, but faster, with little or no powerchords, cleanly, with more technique, and complex time signatures.

#6
We always threaten to turn my friends Ginea pig into a hat
Cort lover of the Bass Militia. PM Nutter_101 to join.
On cheating in a relationship...

Quote by metaldud536
If he doesn't use a gameshark, it's not cheating.




I'm a non-regular regular old user.
#7
I told my canaries once that if they didn't eat their ****ing broccoli I would rip off their heads and **** down their necks.
H e l l o .
#9
I once said to my dog "Stop barking or I'll neuter you. Twice."
There ain't no moral to this story at all. Anything I tell you very well could be a lie.
#11
Just to test and see if my dog loved me, I asked in a kind and happy voice, "Jump on me if you want to go to the vet and be put to sleep." I just got back from the vet's office...
#13
Sometimes I scream at my Jack Russel terrier, in a very high, annoying voice.
Like a cross between falsetto, and the unicorns in Charley the Unicorn.

'DO YOU WANT TO SEE THE MAN FROM SNOWY RIVEEEEERRRRRRRR??????'

It terrifies the poor bugger.
#15
I once told my dog that if he didn't shut up I'd shove his head so far up his ass he'd have to wear himself as a hat
#18
I told my dog that I would clean his dishes. Good times, my friend, good times.
Airship is liek teh best giitar playr evr!!111!1!

Quote by solidgay
Don't use distortion pedals. Just bury your guitar for three weeks, and then dig it up, that should do the job.


^Best Reply Ever!

Quote by imdeth
metaldud damn it I said ignore the penis!
#20
i call my dog a hoodlem...but that's cuz she is..other than that i'm not very mean to my dog
#21
Quote by delicious
She swats at my earbuds on my mp3 player. I guess that isn't really justifiable, but whatever.

You're just a dick. I told my cat I'd hit him once, but because he scratched my little sister's incision from open heart surgery.
Quote by bdfs05
u got me

Quote by alyxmelia
your a sick young lady tbh
#22
You drink out of the fuking toilet again and so help god me Ill flush you're ass down it you rotten fleebag piece of sh*t.
#23
I once screamed at my dog "I WILL END YOUR LIFE!!" cause it wouldn't stop barking...

And it stopped
UG's Official Stuffed Toy! Because I am so cuddly wuddly


I LOVE KENSAI
#26
Quote by ryan_nadon
my dad punched my cat in the face one time and he fell down the stairs.

The cat fell down staris or your dad? Either is a legit answer, because maybe your dad was intoxicated while he punched your cat and fell down; unfortunately, there just happened to be a set of stairs where there would have ideally been flat floor.
OR it was a falcon punch.
#27
"you wanna lose your penis?"

i say it to people too, they stay quiet
Quote by RU Experienced?
See the FFFFFFFFFUUUUUUUUUU- thread, he's a God amongst men.

^^ about me


Confucius once say: "Women is like jazz music, 3/4 jazz time, 1/4 ragtime."

This is my sig, get over it. ಠ_ಠ
#28
Quote by DarkEra97
The cat fell down staris or your dad? Either is a legit answer, because maybe your dad was intoxicated while he punched your cat and fell down; unfortunately, there just happened to be a set of stairs where there would have ideally been flat floor.
OR it was a falcon punch.



Dude I'm crying from laughing so hard! I just told my dog that I was going to shoot her repeatedly in the face with a BB gun if she didn't leave me alone.
#30
Quote by 'Leviathan'




I usually just scream at the top of my lungs at my dogs. The one that I yell at most will then just walk up in front of me and start whining at me so I ask him if he wants the air cannon and then go to grab it. He usually shuts up after that.
#31
^ WOW ^
Uhh, my dog craps everywhere, so I tell her that "I'll shove that **** right back where it came from."
It doesn't sound threatening, but she doesn't do it again until two days later.
Quote by leeb rocks
SO I'VE BEEN BALLS DEEP IN MYSELF THIS WHOLE TlME?!?!
#32
"now bobo if you don't behave i'm going to make you into a coat"

or something like that.

Mythbusters FTW
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an unsaturated fattylolcid.
#34
At my barking dog:

"Boy, if you don't shut the f*ck up in the next three seconds I'll kick you so hard up the ass you'll be my slipper for a week"
A U S S I E
#35
my cat, who is the most ****in jumpy cat ever mind you, will just sit next to my tv whilst im on xbl and just stare at me.

"WHAT THE **** ARE YOU LOOKIN AT?!! GET THE **** OUTTA HERE OR SO HELP MY GOD I'LL CUT YOU SO BAD!"
at which point the cat runs through the house knocking down chairs and stuff trying to fing a window to get outside. it broke a window once trying to get out!
****in cat
Quote by wizards?
He's today's tom sawyer, he just gets high on you... He doesn't tell stories anymore


Quote by Hoffydoodle
I love you my Friend
have an E-Cookie


Have a wonderful day =)
#36
Once my dog starting biting at my ankles and I yelled "You better stop or I'll punt your ass so hard some chinese man will be eating you with a side of rice!"
I'm not racist...its just that my dog is terrified of the chinese.
Those of you lucky enough to still have your lives...
Take them with you. But leave the limbs you have lost.
They belong to me now.
#37
Oh god... the things I say to my dog
His name is Robbie, but I'll greet him as "Ugly" or "Fattie"
Sometimes I'll call him an "Ugly, stupid, smelly, worthless dog"
That is not dead which can eternal lie
And with strange aeons even death may die


IA! IA! CTHULHU FHTAGN!
#39
Quote by DeanRazorback
i once told my GINGER friends dog that il beat him like a red headed step child at a family reunion



I'm in tears from laughing so hard at that.

I once told my cat that if she didn't stop hitting me in the head with her tail, I was going to sodomize her with a corkscrew.

My mother was not appreciative.
Quote by top shelf

I couldn't do it [masturbate] with the cast on however. That's when I dug out my baby sister's stuffed animals and went to town

Quote by Tubyboulin
Is it bad that I imagined you saying that in a really sexy voice?