#1
sailin through the night in a dream
turn off yur mind and float down stream
the sky turns red under dark moonlight
now i feel alive in the dead of night

close your eyes, watch the pictures in the dark
relax your mind, let the worlds drift apart

so let the night lay me down
let the night lay me down

when the night kneels before the dawn
are we wrote in a script before we are born
maybe my lifes not what it seems
maybe this world is in my dreams
what if it all turns round for me

is it all just for me
i dont know
is it all just a dream
nobody knows
is it all just a dream
nobody knows is it all for me
#2
nice, it's got a kinda mellow feel to it. kudos
“Owning a handgun doesn't make you armed any more than owning a guitar makes you a musician.”
#3
This section is nice:

"so let the night lay me down
let the night lay me down
"

Maybe you should use this as a mid 8, chorus or refrain. There doesn't seem to be a chorus or any part that repeats throughout - not knowing what style of song this is, I don't know if that's what you were going for but it's always good to have repetition to grab the listener. To me this seems like a chilled sort of Pink Floyd song or perhaps a stripped back acoustic one.

"are we wrote in a script before we are born"

This part isn't quite proper English, maybe you should revise it, but the line before it is quite good "As the night....".

This may just be personal preference but "the sky turns red under dark moonlight" might fit better with "pale" or "bright" or "cold" instead of "dark" or some other sort of adjective. Just a thought.

These lyrics seem like a decent effort, but without them against music I personally don't know how well they'll work. Hopefully this has been helpful.
#4
thanks for the replys. its always good to hear peolpes opinions. cheers
#5
- Rhymes are overly simple
- "night" is repeated too many times
- "are we wrote in a script before we are born" - this line rocked
- "is it all just a dream
nobody knows" - This did not rock, at all.

This is actually quite good. Its cliched material but you delivered it very well, nice work mate.

Digitally Clean
#6
[QUOTE=AngryGoldfish]- Rhymes are overly simple
- "night" is repeated too many times

- "are we wrote in a script before we are born" - this line rocked
- "is it all just a dream
nobody knows" - This did not rock, at all.

This is actually quite good. Its cliched material but you delivered it very well, nice work mate.

Digitally Clean

i originally had the word dream about in it 4 millions times so i changed it. a didn't notice night was in it so many times. thanks!