#1
Living in the shadows of a dream
You sit alone at night thinking. Your thoughts bring on that old familiar felling, despair.
You despair about what is but mainly what is not.
Hopeless, worthless and useless is what is.
Loved and needed is what is not.
You cannot bear the though of being alone.
Yet you don’t try to be happy, you don’t try to love.
The answer seems simple, but its not.
Death.
To be free of pain and suffering, a pariah no more
But how can one who does not live die?
How can peace be bestowed upon you?
Another easy answer.
It isn’t
Doomed to live out your life and it will be long.
Cursed for it to be solitary.
Constantly trying to escape.
You will always live in the shadows of a dream.

Probably not all that great but you know i may aswell post it i posted yesterday, but now ill have to wait 6 days!!
#2
i think there are many positives, and some negatives, in this piece.
firstly, the idea you present is very relatable, and the message is conveyed well.

your central idea of "living in a shadow of a dream" isn't bad at all, though you have to be careful when dealing with abstract ideas to avoid it seeming a bit "wishy-washy": basically creating false images. words like "despair", "hope" etc when used effectively can be quite evocative, but if your whole piece is filled with them, it's hard to picture anything.

You despair about what is but mainly what is not.
Hopeless, worthless and useless is what is.
Loved and needed is what is not.

I like what you've tried to do here, but the wording seems a little off. And I think you could've done without one of the three adjectives in the second line to balance the third.

basically though, I think you've made a good attempt, but for your next piece, just keep experimenting with your ideas. maybe try developing metaphors, and exploring your images. the idea of living in a shadow seems underdeveloped in this. there is little mention or revisiting of lightness/darkness other than the vague ideas of "despair" etc.

but yeah, keep trying. i'll look out for your other pieces.
oh and if you have a chance to check out mine in my sig, it'd be appreciated.