#1
v1

it must be something you're born with
apparently i didn't get the memo
everyone else got the hint
why to me was it not sent?

v2

is this your plan?
is it just another drop on the coaster?
i can't do it alone
meet me half way

bridge

seek me sometime soon
but wait, who's actually hiding?

chorus

where is up, down, here, there
i palyed the game, i counted to ten
you're no where to be found
this is a senseless mission

v3

stuck in an endless staircase
i'm split in two
everytime i get close
i fall away from you

repeat bridge and chorus.


this is my first song i've written. pretty simple i guess, not very long verses. idk anything about songwriting really. just wanted to try and see what i could do. i think its pretty obvious what its about. please crit.
Gear:
Musicman Stingray 4 string HH
Tech 21 Sansamp Para Driver
Ampeg V-4B
Ampeg SVT-212AV 2x12

Gibson SG Standard
Vox AC15
Keeley compressor
Keeley Dark Side
Boss RC-2 Loop
Korg Pandora
Crybaby Wah
Last edited by fenderbassist12 at Aug 10, 2008,
#2
Quote by fenderbassist12
v1

it must be something you're born with
apparently i didn't get the memo
everyone else got the hint
why to me was it not sent?

Not the best start, seems kind of clumsy, I dont like the 'apparently', however the last line is pretty good

v2

is this your plan?
is it just another drop on the coaster?
i can't do it alone
meet me half way

Improvement over the first stanza, and overall good verse, I like the coaster analogy.

bridge

seek me sometime soon
but wait, who's actually hiding?

Take out 'but wait' and you gout yourself a winner

chorus

where is up, down, here, there
i palyed the game, i counted to ten
you're no where to be found
this is a senseless mission

Pretty cool chorus but the first line seemed a bit cheesy, other than that its fine.

v3

stuck in an endless staircase
i'm split in two
everytime i get close
i fall away from you

First two lines are kind of cliche, but the last 2 are great

repeat bridge and chorus.




Pretty good overall, especially for the first time. As a beginner, make sure to stay away from cliches

crit mine, please https://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?t=932046