#1
Circle Scream -

Raise your hands to the sky
Is this the way it feels to die?
I am time, I am death
And this is your last breath

Channel our pain through me
You'll never define this clarity
Will you go left or will you go right?
Will you reflect the crimson light?

Hear the circle scream
Your life is a broken dream
Hear the circle scream
Things are never as they seem

Charcoal flowers and blood red kisses
Broken hearts and twisted wishes
Everything ends... everything dies

Cant fault a sinister design
Cant fault the passing of time
This is our demise
Never to see the darkened sun arise

Hear the circle scream
Your life is a broken dream
Hear the circle scream
Things are never as they seem
Raise your chalice my brother
Raise it high
To catch the fire that falls from the sky
#3
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#4
yeah i've got to agree these are some damn good lyrics. a nice change from lots of the emo-sounding poems floating around on this forum
#5
Quote by Bal_Sagoth
Circle Scream -

Raise your hands to the sky
Is this the way it feels to die?
I am time, I am death
And this is your last breath
(I don't really like the rhyming of the first two lines. In an AABB rhyme scheme, 'sky' and 'die' seemed to be used to much, although that may just be me. Also, perhaps try "how it feels" in place of "the way it feels".
Third line was great.
I don't think that you need the 'and' at the beginning. Takes something away from the rest of the line.)


Channel our pain through me
You'll never define this clarity
Will you go left or will you go right?
Will you reflect the crimson light?
(Good first line, although I'm not sure the word 'clarity' works here. The word means 'being able to see clearly', or something along those lines, which doesn't make much sense to me here.
Third line is good.
I'm not sure which 'crimson light' you are referring to here. It doesn't really sound bad, but I don't get this line.)


Hear the circle scream
Your life is a broken dream
Hear the circle scream
Things are never as they seem
(This reminded me of "Holy Diver" I like this stanza, no real comments on it.)
Charcoal flowers and blood red kisses
Broken hearts and twisted wishes
Everything ends... everything dies
(The first two lines seem more that a bit cliche, but they work for the piece, so no real complaints. If you could find a different way to word it to make it less cliche, that would be nice, although it's not necessary.
The last line I did not like, however. Not sure what you could do about it, but I think the reason that I don't like the line is that you go from using some good descriptive words in the previous two lines, but end the stanza with this. It doesn't really flow with the other lines, nor does it work well with them. I would vote on changing this line entirely.)

Cant fault a sinister design
Cant fault the passing of time
This is our demise
Never to see the darkened sun arise
(Perhaps use 'flawed' instead of 'sinister' design in the first line.
Second line is good.
The third and fourth lines seem to be connected to each other in subject, but they don't make sense. 'Demise' means end, so to me the last two lines read as "This is our end, Never to see the darkened sun arise." Perhaps find a word meaning 'fate', or 'price to pay'. As in "This is our price to pay/We won't see the black sun rise today". Something like that.)

Hear the circle scream
Your life is a broken dream
Hear the circle scream
Things are never as they seem



A good piece, sounds like a metal or hard rock song. I liked reading it, and I could almost imagine some heavy guitar and drum over it.

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#6
the first staqnza and second stanzas rhymes sounder super duper forced.
but it was twisted man. pretty good.
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