#1
C4C4C

(I did a good bit of editing to see how people would react to it... tell me what you think)


Wait Forever

(chorus 1)
Yes, I really would wait forever
I'm sure each second away
Make the ones together better
Yes, I really would wait forever

(chorus 2)
Yes, I really will wait forever
Just to see your gentle face
The soft words that were spoken
Will make the blood in my veins race

(V1)
The best feeling ever
Was when you said you felt the same
Didn't know how you'd react
When I told you I'm insane
And I'd wait forever
For the woman I love,
The woman I love to see
Can't you see how special you are to me

(chorus 1 & 2)

(V2)
(This verse is sung a lot faster than the previous verse, close to rap but not quite)
Your smile is contagious
Your nature is light
I wish I could be there
To hold you through the night
Sometimes I feel
As if I'm not good enough
When I hide my emotions
And say senseless stuff
But then you laugh at me
And raise my spirits up
You acknowledge me, and defend me
God, I hope this means true love

(chorus 1& 2)

(B)
So goodnight for now
I give you a kiss
And now here come the dreams
And that sweet eternal bliss

(chorus 1)X2
(chorus 2)

C4C4C
Quote by cpt_pimp
my last fail was breaking up with my gf.

that's going to suck for a while


Quote by leg end
Well, not really haha!


#4
I would have to agree. It's hard to get a true sense of the song by just reading the lyrics. But the rhymes were nice and it was blissfully simple.
If every simple song i wrote
would take your breath away
i'd write it all
#5
The concept of the song is about me being away from my girlfriend and realizing I love her more than I ever have and just "waiting" to come back home and be with her... I wrote this song while I was on the pier at the beach by myself... I just wrote this because I thought it was a good way to show how much i miss her AND love her... i hope i got my point across to her
Quote by cpt_pimp
my last fail was breaking up with my gf.

that's going to suck for a while


Quote by leg end
Well, not really haha!


#6
Quote by popeye100
C4C4C

(I did a good bit of editing to see how people would react to it... tell me what you think)


Wait Forever

(chorus 1)
Yes, I really would wait forever
I'm sure each second away
Make the ones together better hmm, gramatically wouldn't it be 'each second away MAKES'? That doesn't flow as well, but the original way seems awkward because of that inconsistency
Yes, I really would wait forever I can see this as a pretty good hook

(chorus 2)
Yes, I really will wait forever
Just to see your gentle face
The soft words that were spoken
Will make the blood in my veins race I'm not sure about the last line, seems a bit too long especially as the break line until the verse. Also, blood is kind of harsh imagery for what has until now been a gentle tone.

(V1)
The best feeling ever
Was when you said you felt the same
Didn't know how you'd react
When I told you I'm insane where did this come from?? I would accept something that meant you were insanely in love, but nothing else in the song suggests insanity. It just comes across as creepy to me
And I'd wait forever
For the woman I love,
The woman I love to see
Can't you see how special you are to me

(chorus 1 & 2)

(V2)
(This verse is sung a lot faster than the previous verse, close to rap but not quite)
Your smile is contagious
Your nature is light
I wish I could be there
To hold you through the night
Sometimes I feel
As if I'm not good enough
When I hide my emotions
And say senseless stuff great few lines and this couplet is the best
But then you laugh at me
And raise my spirits up
You acknowledge me, and defend me
God, I hope this means true love the last couple lines are strange in measure and rhythm with those 2 comma breaks. I don't quite see how this would flow, unless you already have that figured out

(chorus 1& 2)

(B)
So goodnight for now
I give you a kiss wait, the rest of the song makes it seem like you aren't together at the moment, so giving a kiss is strange. Perhaps you could rework it to show that you aren't physically together, something like 'I imagine a kiss' or 'I blow you a kiss' or something better than that
And now here come the dreams
And that sweet eternal bliss

(chorus 1)X2
(chorus 2)

C4C4C


I think this has the makings of being a sweet love song, and there are some good lines and hooks. Some of the lines probably mean something to you personally, yet may be better altered to fit the consistent theme and for flow.


c4c always appreciated
#7
Thanx ATM* for the detailed crit, I was wandering when somebody would say something about those parts... I'll explain them for you and others...

I purposely wrote the third line in the chorus like that... a lot of songs that I write show incorrect grammar, but the reader knows what I'm trying to say... it's a way to show my uniqueness... and in a way, it's like my lyrical signature...if that makes sense

the "insane" word in the song came from a little corny joke I told her once... i acted all sad and stuff and she asked me what was wrong and I told her I was insane, insanely in love... she just laughed at it and said she loved me too...

the bridge is personal to me because that night I wrote this I was talking to her and tellin gher how much i miss her and before we hung up "Goodnight for now... i give you a kiss" is how i said goodbye.. and she said "aww now i'll have "blissfull" dreams tonight"...

So a lot of stuff that you said doesn't make sense actually does... just personally... like i said I wrote this to show HER how much I miss and love her...
Quote by cpt_pimp
my last fail was breaking up with my gf.

that's going to suck for a while


Quote by leg end
Well, not really haha!


#8
Well that's exactly what I surmised at the end of my crit, that there were some personal things that probably meant more to the two of you, so I give myself a hand for that. All the same however, what's the point in my reviewing it if my review is irrelevant almost by definition? ie, if you wrote it only for the purpose of her understanding, what can we possibly add or subtract? I don't care, I get good practice reviewing, but I'm just wondering.
#9
I like to see what people think of my work... if people say I did good it lets me know that songwriting skills are improving and people also show me what I can do to help myself improve even more...
Quote by cpt_pimp
my last fail was breaking up with my gf.

that's going to suck for a while


Quote by leg end
Well, not really haha!