#1
deep morning blew
across our minds
as your exhausted breath filled mine
in whispers of
I love you. I love. you
more
with each curtain's swirl
toes curled together
forever you

in grasshopper bends
around my waist,
a safe place you've
found. find. will always
be
and me
between your
heart, just me
forever
On the eight day we spoke back...

let there be sound.
#3
this was really sweet. i'm kind of a cynic, so my initial reaction was, "wow this is totally sappy," but that doesn't make it any less beautiful, and i'm trying not to let my jaded opinions get the best of me. so i just had to say how lovely this actually is. nice work.

i think i'm making progress...
when birds flap their wings do the make believe they're really arms?
#4
i've returned to this several times and i can't really pick up on anything specific.

it reminds me of "i carry your heart with me (i carry it in my heart)" by e.e. cummings, which is one of my favourite poems, so that's certainly a positive.

i thought the grammatical freedom gave a great deal to the piece. "will always be/ and me" read just beautifully. i guess my only dislike was the ending. it was fine, but that's all it was. "just me/ forever". forever is just the obvious. i think you could do with working "we" into the ending. it's a wonderfully simplistic title and it deserves a reappearance, i think.

other than that, wonderful images conjured. sweet, in a good way. lovely.
#5
Thank you both so much.

I'd never read that poem before now skag, but it is quite beautiful and I appreciate the comparison. I was considering 'we' in the end, but I decided to just leave it implied. I'll be mulling that one over for a while yet.

Hope-
On the eight day we spoke back...

let there be sound.