#1
A woman’s face is a thing of beauty far
removed from the barrel of a gun. They
often opt instead to preserve themselves
with pills, because beauty is bolder than
a blaze of glory.

When it is time to say goodbye, I will
stray from what’s expected and paint
the ceiling red if only just to show that
we’re all ugly inside-out.



Although I have kept writing, I haven't posted anything in sooo long. I feel like I need to post this, because it is the first piece I am completely happy with in a long time. I hope you guys rip it apart Any crits will be returned, and thank you in advance
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#2
The piece was really moving and I agree alot with the points you make. It points out alot about society today and how the media focuses so much on beauty. These lines I especially enjoyed:

They
often opt instead to preserve themselves
with pills, because beauty is bolder than
a blaze of glory.

The only part that I do not understand is the two lines or so. If you could explain those that would be great as I cant seem to understand your analogy.

It a great little short piece and I really enjoyed it.

If you could crit my piece that would be great.
Last edited by Flow of soul at Aug 11, 2008,
#3
this had me really intrigued afterwards. i really loved the closer.

and "because beauty is bolder than
a blaze of glory." was a killer line.

i was gonna say i'd like to see you expand it further, but tbh it's good the way it is, so i wouldn't want you to spoil it (not that you would, of course). please please do post the other stuff you've written. i'd be very interested to read it.

if you get a chance to take a look at the one in my sig, it'd be greatly appreciated. thanks hope to see more from you.
#4
I love when people grab their own meanings from my poems I hadn't written this with the media in mind at all. I got the idea from an episode of CSI Re-read it a few times and I promise you that you will see what I'm getting at.
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#5
I loved this, ever so much. I got what you mean in this piece and definitely gathered the influence from CSI

The entire second half of this was beautiful. Not to say that the first half wasn't, but I got so much more of a crisp image from the second. Ending with "we're all ugly inside-out" was great, and even though it read smoothly with the rest of the stanza, it was nice to have it on a line of its own.

And I agree with sleep_sickness, "because beauty is bolder than a blaze of glory" is really killer line. No matter how much I loved the second half, this particular line epitomized the piece for me.

All in all, I have nothing to add to this. I can see why you're completely satisfied with it Good work, keep it up!
#6
Thank you I definitely put a lot of thought into the word choices. I love this piece, but I want to hear more criticism What is this with 70 odd views and 4 positive replies? Everyone's in a good mood today or something
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