#1
the children can smell cigarettes (in the church today)
mrs. hensley near the back cold deathful eyes
(she never stopped to paint the sky) wandering by
mrs. hensley can smell the evening

all favours (forgotten) all fortunes (fainted
under oceans) of sin and black mind painted
one november night i whispered to mrs. hensley
we are but a forest to the moon

a raindrop to the bloom
mrs. hensley, are you in love with april?
the great curtains are being drawn
the great windows are breathing

todays fresh air breezing in
mrs. hensley. i can't go swapping the moon for a miracle
mrs. hensley, are your knickers wet?
ciga ciga cigarettes
(cigarettes
cigarettes)

mrs. hensley, we first met on brighton pier
under the shadow of the pale moonlight
before the ocean and the stars
i ate candyfloss and washed it down with hearts

i did you a favour (i sang to you and so forth)
you never stopped to tie my shoe
mrs. hensley, you never stopped to paint the moon
the evening was just a beachpebble to you

i existed for that evening (that was
my january february march april may etc.
you are such a bitch
every mattering is a muttering every
faint is a fell

every hymn is a ballad (every
scream is a yell)
every colour isn't quite as bright
everday isn't quite a night

mrs. hensley i quite loved you
but i don't quite love you any more.

mrs. hensleywhore.
Last edited by skagitup at Aug 12, 2008,
#2
Well I have to say this is a bit of a step away from what I usually read from you, though given that I listen to your music too, it sits well with some of your songs.

I have a personal issue with all the "mrs. robinson"/"ms. Potter" kind of songs, I even despise the counting crows one. So forgive the unforgivable first impression.

Now that I've said that, this was still quite the trip. It has a very beatles feel, but where the beatles say one thing and mean another, you just both said what you didn't mean and what you meant all together. It was a rather interesting read, mostly due to the fact I had to read it more than once to even begin to make sense out of the rant and the contradictions, but it was unique in that same manner and I thought it was just a bit of fun and games. You had nice ideas in it with the cigarettes and the pier, but they were undeveloped due to the focus of the piece being the ambivalent emotions and wording.

It's not really my thing, to be quiet honest, and what I sometimes love in songs, I find hard to like when just reading it on paper (computer screen), but it was different and I can say I liked it much better than the counting crows one, so that's already saying something.

This is not a pipe
#3

i think you're very tongue in cheek sometimes alex. not as serious as people sometimes take you




love is a dog from hell.



#4
your work is so incredibly hard to crit, Alex.
the usage of your vast vocabulary and vivid descriptions, are truly a gift.
i'm supposing this will be a song?
There's a road that leads to the end of all suffering. You should take it.


- Jericho Caine


secret, aaaaagent maaan.
secret, aaaaagent maaan.
#5
The third stanza was absolutely beautiful. This whole thing was great , and I won a bet with myself that you always use the word cigarette at least once. Now I'm debating with myself whether the parenthesis signify changes in volume/tone in the song or are just artistic methods of expression. I'll place my bet on both.
On the eight day we spoke back...

let there be sound.
#6
i guess i just love cigarettes



thanks everyone, post links on my profile if you fancy return crits...

i'll let this die now.