#1
When I'm With You-By: Joel Fletcher
Well you're here, you're finally back
This month has been way too long
You have no idea how I've missed you
But we have made it through this
Which means we can make it through anything

How I've longed to be with you and see you
Talk to you, hold you, kiss you
When I'm with you, time will cease to be
I never want that to end
I have never felt this way before

You're the one who puts a smile on my face
Even if I am really feeling down
Babe, when I see you my heart skips a beat
I always crack a smile, from a frown
When I'm With you

I'm so lucky to have you in my life
Missed you tonnes while you were gone
Saying goodbye to you on that day
Was way to damn hard to do
But I made it through and am with you

You're the one who puts a smile on my face
Even if I am really feeling down
Babe, when I see you my heart skips a beat
I always crack a smile, from a frown
When I'm With you
note: I am currently working on a 4th verse to fit in here

Break
Solo

You're the on who puts a smile on my face
Even if I am really feeling down
Babe, when I see you my heart skips a beat
I always crack a smile, from a frown
When I'm With you
When I'm With you
When I'm With you
When I'm with you
#3
Quote by slayer1516
Sorry, but it is fairly generic and boring. Predictable.


Sorry, but +1
#4
It's alright that was my second song that I've written, I'm trying to find the lyrics to my first. I'm working on another one right now.
#5
Quote by Enemy.ofkhanate
It's alright that was my second song that I've written, I'm trying to find the lyrics to my first. I'm working on another one right now.


Instead of writing another poem (because thats what it is right now without music), try and see how you can improve these lyrics. How many people are gonna want to hear lines like these again:

"I'm so lucky to have you in my life"

"You have no idea how I've missed you"

"Babe, when I see you my heart skips a beat"


These lyrics are formulatic, boring, overdone, cheesy, and just plain bad. Thats the truth. I suggest you keep working on this poem, Incorperate metaphors and other literary devices. Its a good start, but it needs a lot of work.
#6
I've already put it behind me, the person I wrote it to and performed it too is no longer my significant other, I just wanted to get some input on it to see where I can improve in the future.