#1
Hey guys... this is my first post and my first song ive written...
Id appretiate any criticism or suggestions
help me out a little bit...

Alright im attempting not to be too cliche... but its a little difficult in a love song.

a little background..
shes got green eyes and 9:24 is "our" time.. we make wishes on it kind of like 11:11..

here it is:

If wishes were horses id know how to ride
If the cap doesnt quite fit id still never let it slide
Cause i could draw all i need from one look in your eyes
Take me through those skies
Those deep green skies

If dreaming was living you'd never die
If my heart could only sing, Oh it would recite
The perfect melody of this love i can not hide
And id be right
It feels so right

When your hearts this close to mine my heart roars
We can walk bear feet across these sandy shores
Time is something we will ignore
Cause my clock is stuck
at 9:24

If wishes were horses we would ride
If my heart had a wish
itd be for its love to rise
outside
and collide
with those skies
Those deep green skies

Thanks in advance guys
#2
very nice,she'll love it!
Ibanez RGA 8 (Dimarzio D Activator 8)->Rocktron Hush->Engl E530 preamp->Marshall 9200 poweramp->Marshall 4x12 closed back cab w/ G12t75's
#6
Someones gonna get laaiiidd. But seriously very nice song I do think she'll like it, I really like the "Cause my clock is stuck at 9:24" line. Good job
#7
Thanks guys...

and scott.. the song doesnt have a chorus so it increases in intensity throught the first 3 paragraphs and the last one is sort of a soft ending i felt it needed somethign a little different fromt he first three but ill look into another possible ending...

Thanks again
#8
i have never wrote a song about a girl, not cuz i dont respect them or anything but cuz i mostly right about intellectual topics like esotericism, metaphysics, philosophy and so on.
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#9
Quote by higherworlds
i have never wrote a song about a girl, not cuz i dont respect them or anything but cuz i mostly right about intellectual topics like esotericism, metaphysics, philosophy and so on.

thank you for that pointless window into your life.
are you thinking of recording this at anypoint ? if so id love to hear it