#1
Hey, this is my second song on the UG forums, i have been making it for 3 days now, i think it came out fine,


*Crit for Crit, the more detailed crit yo give me, the more detailed crit i give you, post a link to your song when asking for C4C*
Attachments:
Holding On.zip
Poop.


Yes, poop.
#2
I'll start of saying that I didn't like this, but I'll try to keep my crit fair. It's just really not my sort of metalz...

Having said I didn't like it, I DID like the intro. Although to me it seemed something better used as an interlude than an intro...

...I think my main problem with this was that I just didn't like the chord progression you'd chosen for it, and that you used that same progression again and again... which let the piece down.

The idea used from bar 13 is nice though.

Could be personal taste, but I don't like how simialr the chorus is to the verse.

The bridge at bar 33 was alright though.

The way that the last note of the solo trails onto the next verse in bar 47 is pretty cool, but I wasn't too keen on the solo - it seemed too much like just running up a scale, for the most part.

I liked the outro, that was a cool idea with the octaves there... but I hate fadeouts.


Looking as this crit, it's all been kinda negative, but this really wasn't my thing ... but still, hope I've brought your attention to a few issues.

Feel free to get your own back, there's a link to my song index in my sig =D


Rob
#3
Intro is good. The chord progression was okay, but I'm not very keen on the chorus. Drum track could've maybe been 'beefed up' a bit more, so to speak.
The solo was good.

I think you should maybe change the chorus to something maybe more technical/interesting, and maybe add some variations here and there, but overall, a solid song IMO.
#4
I found it very repetitive, too many straight exact repeats. Throw in some variation and instead of both guitars playing the same powerchords try throwing some octaves or a lead line over the top on one guitar to make it interesting
ohai little sig.
#5
Well you've got the progression down theres no doubt about that. For the rhythm guitar try mixing it up a bit just cause it gets kinda boring. You do change it up a few places but it still seems like your guitarist would die of boredom on stage.

Try the riff farming thing Mark Morton of LoG used maybe. Just and idea...
I'm Tyler
#6
Quote by Octtwe88
Well you've got the progression down theres no doubt about that. For the rhythm guitar try mixing it up a bit just cause it gets kinda boring. You do change it up a few places but it still seems like your guitarist would die of boredom on stage.

Try the riff farming thing Mark Morton of LoG used maybe. Just and idea...

Ooh, tell me more about this 'riff farming', please!

Cause I have seriously no clue what it is.
#7
Quote by AA00P
Ooh, tell me more about this 'riff farming', please!

Cause I have seriously no clue what it is.

Well honestly i don't think that would apply here haha.

But what he did was take a riff and just pull certain notes out. It just made it a little choppier and not a full played bar of music you know?

Maybe try that with your lead, just to make it intersting
I'm Tyler
#8
^I see.

Thanks, I'll try it out in some of my own work, lol.
#9
I added alot more to the 2nd verse the 2nd chorus and so on, and i totally re-did the solo. I actually plan on playing this song with my band, and my drummer isnt to great, so drums have to be easy for him.
Attachments:
Holding On.zip
Poop.


Yes, poop.
#10
This definantly has potential to be an amazing song, you've just got be a bit more creative.

The biggest problem for me was the fact the chord pregression was basically the same through out, it got a bit boring.

What you said about the drums being simple is fair enough, but metalcore with simple drums is like making a cup of tea without the teabags (Yes. I'm English. Get over it, it's the best metaphor I could think of. :p.

The little lead in the intro was cool, you should harmonize it in 3rd's rather than 4th's, I think. 4th's is cool to though. I wasn't to fond on the chords you used though.

The verse was more Punk than Metalcore, I think it's because the drums are very simple, not even touching on Metalcore, and with the muted guitars, it's sort of a very Blink 182 style thing. Even if you could just double the speed your drummer is doing the bit on the Kick and the Snare, but keep the high hats and cymbals how they are, it would sound alot bigger and better. In my opinion.

The prechorus drumming fitted well, a slight variation totally changed the feel of that riff. Well done.

The chorus was cool, the drums were awesome, that's something I use alot in my pieces on drums. It reminded me of Second Heartbeat by A7x, slightly. Maybe check the song out if you want more ideas for stuff.

The bridge was alright, nothing special, it's been done a million times before, but then again. It still fitted the song though.

The solo was pretty cool, even though for the most part it's just running around scales. Try and be a bit more creative. But again, it works with the song. So it's fine.

The outro was very nicely done.

Overall, the song has promise. Just needs some work.
8/10

Crit' mine?
https://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?t=933184
I deeply regret the 6661 in my username. Siiiigh. Damn you, 14 year old me, you edgy little bastard.
#11
Carl, your talkin to a big a7x fan here. Second heartbeats my favorite song by them.
Poop.


Yes, poop.
#14
This honestly sounds like a band first starting up and writing their first song. I didn't like this at all. The harmony at the beginning of the song just does not fit at all within the key of the song. Also, this song is really repetitive, you have the same verse, the same chorus played over and over again. The solo could use a little more work as well. Just keep writing new stuff and you'll begin to become a better writer.
last.fm | Rush Hour | Dead Format
Quote by HxC73107
pray for plagues or off the heezay by bring me the horizon both great songs specially when ur at a pit at trhe reall show
#15
Overall its a pretty good choon.
Nice melodies n in the intro and verse.
The chorus sounds better with the melodies on top, and the bridge was pretty good,
The guy who said about the breakdown was right though id like to have heard some chugs come in at some point to add some tension to the mix.
Id say about 7/10 for its genre so well done mate.
Crit Mine?
https://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?t=937465
Watch out for FLOODS exploding onto the UK Deathcore scene this summer.
#17
Quote by MattAnderson111
Carl, your talkin to a big a7x fan here. Second heartbeats my favorite song by them.


Sorry about the late reply.

Yeah, I could hear definate Second Heartbeat influences in there.
My only real problem with it was the drumming, which was a let down. :/

I've had a go at some drumming in it for you because I got bored, it livens the song up a bit in my opinion. If you want, feel free to use it, you don't have to. But it might give you some cool ideas for the future (:

Some of the toms after the marching style drumming are too quiet, because I forgot to set the thingy back to forte (f). So they're stuck on Pianissimo (pp), sorry about that).
Attachments:
Holding On DRUMEDIT.zip
I deeply regret the 6661 in my username. Siiiigh. Damn you, 14 year old me, you edgy little bastard.
Last edited by Carl6661 at Oct 15, 2008,