#1
Up, down,
The hammer comes 'round,
A kiss of flame,
Removing all traces from whence it came,
Stoke the furnace,
Strike with earnest,
Shape the metal unto your will,
Beat it until the fires grow still,
From the old, a new iteration,
Passed through the fires of creation,
Another tool for me to choose,
Another weapon I'll learn to use,
Deep inside his fiery temple,
The smithies mind is not so simple,
With hammer strokes and power blows,
The seeds of creation the blacksmith sows,
From a simple iron bar,
Comes means to catch a falling star.
Last edited by El Tostito at Aug 14, 2008,
#3
Thanks, and yeah, it makes sense. It's supposed to rhyme that much, every two lines are meant to rhyme.
#4
Quote by El Tostito
Up, down,
The hammer comes 'round,
A kiss of flame,
Removing all traces from whence it came,
Stoke the furnace,
Strike with earnest,
Shape the metal unto your will,
Beat it until the fires grow still,
From the old, a new iteration,
Passed through the fires of creation,
Another tool for me to choose,
Another weapon I'll learn to use,
Deep inside his fiery temple,
The smithies mind is not so simple,
With hammer strokes and power blows,
The seeds of creation the blacksmith sows,
From a simple iron bar,
Comes means to catch a falling star.


Gah. This is the second piece I've read from you, and to be honest... it's very good, as is the other one. I say "gah" because I feel bad for not being able to return a crit as you did to mine. There is nothing I could pick out to say you should improve. You had a great rhyme scheme and not one line felt forced.

I'm sorry you're too talented for me to pick apart. :P
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