#1
Right so yeah this is my first song i've ever written so take it easy on me. Its a little bit of a love song thing i have the music sorted its to go with a sort of fingure picked Goo Goo Dolls feel music. So yeah let me know what you think and give me some ideas of what i should name it as its unnamed at the moment.

V1
I wake up on my own
I find that your not there
I wonder what your doing
And if its me in your head

The words I never spoke
Loud enough to hear
My inaudible sound for you
I whisper past your ear

Chorus
I feel you next you me
Your lips against mine
I see your smile and I know were fine
I want you here with me girl
Safely in my arms
I never wanted you to leave
Me tonight

V2
It’s late and you call me
Just cus you know it makes me smile
It’s a long conversation
Just to say good night.

I wonder when next meet
So I can see your smile
Holding hands , feelin compleat
never letting go of whats mine.

Chorus
I feel you next you me
Your lips against my skin
I see your smile and the warmth from within
I want you here with me girl
Safely in my arms
I never wanted you to leave
Me tonight

V3
Your holding me close
as if you know how i feel
You whisper some words
to quiet to hear
I look at you and smile
You don’t know what to say
So you pull me closer
And kiss me the right way

Bridge
Under the moon light
We stopped there for a while
You pushed up against me
Couldn’t see your smile
Up into the wall
Were neither of us cared
I wish you knew
How I felt being there
You mean so much to me
Can’t live with the needs
I need you right now
I need you with me

Chorus
END
#2
Quote by JackFar


V1
I wake up on my own
and find that your not there
I wonder what your doing
And if its me in your head
I'd write 'and' instead of 'I' in the second line, just think it sounds better... and I'm really not sure whether 'there' and 'head' are supposed to rhyme but as long as it works ok when you sing it I guess the beginning is quite ok

The words I never spoke
Loud enough to hear
My inaudible sound for you
I whisper past your ear
these are my favourite four lines in the song, I think you could make something really great out of this... but somehow you seem to get lost and talk about something completely different than I would expect later on in the song...maybe I just don't get it but it seems incomplete to me... what are the words you never spoke? Anyway, "I whisper past you ear" sounds really cool

Chorus
I feel you next you me
Your lips against mine
I see your smile and I know were fine
I want you here with me girl
Safely in my arms
I never wanted you to leave
Me tonight
I don't like this too much somehow, I'm missing something to make it special... Flows ok in the first 5 lines and I guess the last two migth sound ok aswell if they're sung.... ok for a love song but too cheesy and not strong enough for me.

V2
It’s late and you call me
Just cus you know it makes me smile
It’s a long conversation
Just to say good night.
bit too much 'just' there for my taste... but the thought's kinda cute

I wonder when next meet ?? is that correct grammar I don't get it
So I can see your smile
Holding hands , feelin complete
never letting go of whats mine.
all of this sounds wrong to me somehow... I feel kind of odd correcting your spelling since I'm not a native speaker ... by the way ...are you? If you are and all of this is actually correct then I'm really really sorry ....but yeah I think you have some strange twist in your grammar here (??)

Chorus
I feel you next you me
Your lips against my skin I like that little change
I see your smile and the warmth from within
I want you here with me girl
Safely in my arms
I never wanted you to leave
Me tonight

V3
You're holding me close
as if you know how i feel as if you knew?
You whisper some words
to quiet to hear this is not 100% correct either I don't think... to be heard... for me to hear... nah who care it's a song what do I know?
I look at you and smile
You don’t know what to say
So you pull me closer
And kiss me the right way

Bridge
Under the moon light moonlight's overrated if you ask me nothing a bit more exiting you can think of?
We stopped there for a while
You pushed up against me
Couldn’t see your smile
Up into the wall
Wh ere neither of us cared
I wish you knew
How I felt being there
You mean so much to me
Can’t live with the needs
I need you right now
I need you with me
a bit kitschy and ordinary but not too bad of an end...

Chorus
END


All in all I don't think it was too bad for your first song, with a couple of twists and changes it could actually be quite good... for my taste you had too many 'smile's and 'see's in there, next time you could try to make it a bit more exiting by bringing in some other thoughts or at least using different words xD but anyway any girl would be pleased no matter what if you'd sing this for her

oh yeah and since I really put a lot of effort into this crit I'd be really really grateful if you yould crit one of my songs??

Read my thoughts
The song that noone dares to sing

Keep it up!