#1
This is extremely rough, any criticism is appreciated. I'm planning a bridge, so some help there would be good. C4C.
________________________________________________

It’s twelve at night and I can’t find the heart to try
To lift myself out of this sad state I’m in
Bottles of broken smiles strewn across the kitchen tiles
And a half empty can of hope in my hand

I hope you have no standards
Cause the one thing I can promise
Is that I’m gonna let you down
The devil on my shoulder, its winning the fight
And every day it’s harder to see the light
At the end of the tunnel vision

Its six P.M. and you’re storming out of my front door
Never thought I would be stuck in this state again
Not knowing who I am mostly monster, hardly man
And left all alone by my fair-weather friends

I hope you have no standards
Because if that's the case
I'll never let you down
The devil on my shoulder, weighs more every day
And if you’re inclined please allow me to say
It’s getting harder to see the light
At the end of the tunnel vision
#2
Quote by Skaliveson
This is extremely rough, any criticism is appreciated. I'm planning a bridge, so some help there would be good. C4C.
________________________________________________

It’s twelve at night and I can’t find the heart to try
To lift myself out of this sad state I’m in
i can't help but feel that the opening lines lack something. i don't really know what though.
Bottles of broken smiles strewn across the kitchen tiles
great line
And a half empty can of hope in my hand
did you consider the more optimistic view of half full and dismiss it? i'm not sure which i prefer.

I hope you have no standards
not sure about "standards", imo standards would decide whether she gets with you in the first place, not whether she stays with you. i'd change it to something like expectations.
also, i didn't like the use of "hope" again so soon. i think it would be better changed to something else.

Cause the one thing I can promise
Is that I’m gonna let you down
The devil on my shoulder, its winning the fight
maybe change "it's" to he's, or even she's?
And every day it’s harder to see the light
At the end of the tunnel vision
nothing really to complain about in the chorus. it's all a bit depressing. i guess thats the point though.

Its six P.M. and you’re storming out of my front door
didn't think the "of" was necessary
Never thought I would be stuck in this state again
i think if "i would" was I'd it would help the flow. and maybe change "stuck"?
Not knowing who I am mostly monster, hardly man
this didn't make sense to me,
And left all alone by my fair-weather friends
like the idea of fair weather friends. i think it would be good if you threw a casual bad weather reference in earlier.

I hope you have no standards
Because if that's the case
I'll never let you down
The devil on my shoulder, weighs more every day
And if you’re inclined please allow me to say
i didn't like this line
It’s getting harder to see the light
At the end of the tunnel vision


all in all it's pretty good. i know you said its rough, if you were looking to make changes some of your descriptive words are a bit simple. as for a bridge... erm, maybe why you got "back in this state" or maybe something more about the girl, or how you've let people down in the past.

dont worry about c4c, i dont have anything up.