Picture a Verdi opera: 3 hours of music, some of beautiful and ennobling, at times piquant and subtle, other times dramatic and inspiring. Take those three hours of music, those thousands of musical notes, and compress them into 4 measures of incomprehensible speed, delivered with earth-shaking finesse and a raucous disregard for any physiological limit to human auditory perception. I cannot stress this enough: I will play guitar so fast your face will melt.

The last girlfriend I had was dearer to me than anything that doesn't have steel strings and pickups. It's with a heavy heart that I must confess that she met a tragic demise. I sat her down to perform for her, as she had never heard me play. Within mere seconds of the furious and almost satanically fast deluge of musical notes, she burst into flames and was reduced to a smoldering pile of ash. I have grieved for 7 months, and now it is time to seek a hardier companion.

I seek a woman of no flimsy construction who can tolerate the cyclone of death that my guitar will unleash upon her. Think about the scene in Raiders of the Lost Ark when the Holy Spirit (or whatever the hell that poorly rendered gaseous conglomerate was supposed to be) ravaged the Nazis by melting their flesh from their mortal bones. This is what my guitar playing does, except there is only vapor left, no bones. I cannot stress this enough: I will play guitar so fast the Earth will be rent asunder and armies of hellions will spew forth to wreak havoc upon the human population.
I get very tense around apples...Well, I get very tense generally. I think I've fallen into the trap of blaming fruit.


Peavey Studio Pro 112 for sale. Anyone want it?
needless to say, my copter has been rofled
Quote by GeneralGrim
So we had a music battle, copying what each other did and upping the ante and whatnot. After awhile of going nowhere, I said to the pianist "let's see you do this, asshole" played a single note... and bent it up a step. And left.
Kinda stupid but somewhat amusing to read.

Quote by kai29
you probably just posted that for laughs

whatever, it's lame

Actually, that's part of Craigslist's vault of best ads.
read that last week, "best of" has some great posts, better than that, but I still lol'd reading that.
"A guitar is the human soul, speaking with just six strings..."- Eddie Lee

Irvine Kinneas of the Final Fantasy Elite - PM me, Ichikurosaki, Gallagher2006, or Deliriumbassist to join!
Quote by skwisgaar5051
wtf? i bet he sucks at guitar

If you have all of that equip and you don't know who Petrucci is, die in a fire please.

That's exactly what I've been trying to say.

Quote by munkymanmatt
probably the best thing on craigslist
Quote by Stress Cow
You know you're fucked up when the pit thinks you're a sick bastard.