#1
I Have to Learn to Except that Except is Spelled Accept

Oh hunch of mine,
your huddling closer,
like a man witnessing his own birth;
how does he find the time,
in amongst the steady growth and the spiders legs,
to snide at his sickly personality,
where pathological lying is a common activity?

Ever closer and closer to the screen I lean,
until finally I start to pixelate at
1200x1400,
loose Control,
bash Backspace seventy seven times,
and a
Right Click my way to the end of the weaving paragraph.

I'm trying to digest
the chewy candor
spewing from
the typing skills
everyone else seems to have in such
greedy grandeur,
in a place unsafe and undesired
by my mind.
But I'm constipated
broken down,
and restart buttons are retailing at a 'bizzilion' pounds.

"Bloody Great."

I
am
as
much
use
as
a
mouse
trying
to
fuck
a
cow.

So, someone bluntly shouts out in text,
“Hey **** head, its splled accept not except your soooo useles! Get it wright!!!!”

****, sorry life, I guess I'm not up to scratch.



This is a major experimentation I really found great, and weird, ecstasy in writing. I know it could of been a lot better so I'm not as proud as I would like to of been. Still, enjoy.


Digitally Clean
#3
the 3rd stanza was win, except for the last line.
i realize you said this was experimental, so i hope you don't take offense when i tell you that i wasn't too fond of the piece as a whole.
i didn't really get the usage of colors on the certain words in the broken stanza; the phrase itself was really cool, though.
in short, i kind of feel as if the piece is too far from earth(not very accessible) for a general audience of readers.
i hope you don't think this is a BS crit man, i just don't feel the need to pick apart each line - your diction, line breaks, pretty much everything literally written was spot on; only the subject matter was a little out of reach.

if you wouldn't mind, maybe you could take a glance at mine?
https://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?t=934689
thanks in advance.
There's a road that leads to the end of all suffering. You should take it.


- Jericho Caine


secret, aaaaagent maaan.
secret, aaaaagent maaan.
#5
Until the spray of display, this felt much more like you. With a nice, steady pace and some great imagery to be pulled from it, I have little to complain about. I agree with Kent on the coloring - it seemed like a weak gimmick - but the spread offered some eye relief. Nice piece, one of your best lately.
On the eight day we spoke back...

let there be sound.
#7
Thanks folks, I'm glad you all liked it... apart from you, Kent....
I will explain the use of colors seeing as its quite a topic of discussion. I'm red and green color blind you see, so to emphasise my feeling of inadequacy, I made the first and last words red and green and then the middle ones grey, which is the color I see green and red as.
It is a gimmick I know, it was a little experiment that I hoped would work. I wanted this to be full of crazy assed ****.

Thanks once again.