#1
Title isnt permanent, but heres what i have so far for the song. Its about Opperation market Garden in WWII, and i have the music on my profile (original thing) So yeah tell me what you think. Its not done, not even close, but i want to know if people like what i have so far. I feel its like my tribute to Iron Maidens the longest Day, because i inadvertently pictured it with vocals very similiar to Bruces

The sun arise
Daylight fills the sky
all is calm
the planes begin to fly
across the line
all the men must march
to their gate
we will make (or leave) our mark

The german guns
pointed to the sky
across the Rhine
Destruction we will find
THe 101'st, to the edge of war
Market Garden will Bring us to their door

CHORUS:
Now we stand
United in war
Hells Highway
Will lead us to their door.

2nd Verse (edited in August 17th):
The thunder roars
the world erupts in flames
the men move forth
to meet their bitter fate
snipers bullets
tear apart our ranks
fear takes hold
our generals betrayed

Up above
our guardian angels fall
shot from the sky
they will fly no more
all around
the wind is bitter and cold
but we fight on
straight through hells door

CHORUS
__________________________________

For the second verse im thinking ill describe the battle and stuff, then the 3rd verse the after math. Think thats a good idea?

1st Verse, Chorus, 2nd Verse, Chorus, Bridge, Solo(s), 3rd verse, Chorus, outro.

C4C BTW!!
Last edited by Tubyboulin at Aug 17, 2008,
#3
Nice flow and good word choice. I don't really think anything needs to be changed except I think "Hell's Highway" should be "The Highway of Hell".
#4
Quote by Pingis_Or_Death
Nice flow and good word choice. I don't really think anything needs to be changed except I think "Hell's Highway" should be "The Highway of Hell".


Hmm...it would make sense, but Hells highway was the name of the place in the Battle so im not sure if it would still hold the meaning. think it would still make sense in that context?

Thanks by the way!
#5
This is all just kind of... boring. Its about war, I get it. It's just all kind of told to the reader with no real emotion or meaning to me. It's just dull. The rhyming doesn't help either, as it's predictable, and once more, boring. Uninspired.

I feel like its something I've read a thousand times before by kids who get bored in Math class. I'd try and take a new approach to it, rather than just describe it. Look at the horrors of war and how they affect ONE man, perhaps. Rather than all of this ambiguous "we" which seems to be popular on these forums.

Keep up the work though - I'll be on the look out for more from you.

Quote by Pingis_Or_Death
Nice flow and good word choice. I don't really think anything needs to be changed except I think "Hell's Highway" should be "The Highway of Hell".


... Why?

That just makes it lengthier. Brevity is your friend. Also, he clearly had his reason for using Hell's Highway.
#6
Quote by Retribution
This is all just kind of... boring. Its about war, I get it. It's just all kind of told to the reader with no real emotion or meaning to me. It's just dull. The rhyming doesn't help either, as it's predictable, and once more, boring. Uninspired.

I feel like its something I've read a thousand times before by kids who get bored in Math class. I'd try and take a new approach to it, rather than just describe it. Look at the horrors of war and how they affect ONE man, perhaps. Rather than all of this ambiguous "we" which seems to be popular on these forums.

Keep up the work though - I'll be on the look out for more from you.


... Why?

That just makes it lengthier. Brevity is your friend. Also, he clearly had his reason for using Hell's Highway.

This is exactly what I was thinking. Take this piece apart, get rid of the cliche-ish rhymes and use some imagery and point of view.

Good luck.
ok, yeah. my name is silly because I signed up when I was 13.

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