#1
baby heroics
"someone out there is carrying a bullet for you
and you don't even know it"

i was on the PATH train
from jersey city to 33rd street

there was a little girl there
with her mother
she wasn't more than four
i smiled at her
and she simply stared into my eyes

the mother began readying her daughter
they were going to get off at christopher street
the PATH went around a bend
screeching
and her folded up baby carriage
began to slip
from against the wall

the man standing by the door was reading the newspaper
it must have caught his eye

he grabbed it
nearly falling over himself
and placed it gently against the wall
i smiled at him
he smiled at me
and returned to his paper

the mother
and her daughter
never noticed
#2
ok im confused...

did you base this on a pram falling over...

or is it a metaphor for "someone out there is carrying a bullet for you
and you don't even know it"
Quote:
Originally Posted by Ravenwoods
Rudd is a moron. All the people who voted for him cost us the best thing that ever happened to Australia.


...so HE killed Steve Irwin???
#4
I love your style. This didn't disappoint but there were a few inconsistencies in your tone it seemed at times. This just wasn't as interesting as some of your stuff though. "She did this, this happened, he did this." That's an exaggeration but there wasn't as much flare as usual, I think.

Still, it was very enjoyable.
Anatomy Anatomy
Whale Blue Review

Park that car
Drop that phone
Sleep on the floor
Dream about me
#6
pram = baby carriage

I forgot to say when you first posted it, but this was a really nice read.

Nice because it seems a lot more personal for you than it ever could really do for me, and that's how the emotion seemed to come out of this.

That said, you do the basics better than anyone else on this site. I feel you could push yourself further than the faux-simple narrative that yo had going (looking at you, penultimate stanza) and could do something much bigger and much better.

Good read.
#7
Quote by Jammydude44

That said, you do the basics better than anyone else on this site. I feel you could push yourself further than the faux-simple narrative that yo had going (looking at you, penultimate stanza) and could do something much bigger and much better.


don't have it in me