#1
The audience holds its breath
As the madame in centre stage
Catches her reflection in a compact
She’s a bonbon on a futon
She’s a crème-caramel-toned bronze statuette

She’s a singer and a winner
Under the make-up of that winter
When she danced in rouge and kohl
With her throat in a chokehold
But for all her composure
She’s the one and only pleasure (vice)
Of the congregation

If only they could sneak a peak
Past the brave façade
They’d see the reason she’s keeping to just the stage

If only, only, I could tell her:
Oh, honey, it’s not your fault the sun won’t shine (I can’t make you mine)
With the full potential it claims to own
Oh honey, we wouldn’t die from a little exposition
It’s not like we don’t know
You’re an exhibition(ist) at heart

She’s a singer and a winner
Under the make-up of that winter
When she danced in rouge and kohl
With her throat in a choke hold
But for all her composure
She's fraying at the edges of her lace
Can't say I was never wrong
But some blame rests on you


Work and play they're never okay
To mix the way we do
#2
These sound like they could be panic at the disco lyrics....that was just my first thought..i used to be really into them when i was 12....not that that has anything to do with ur piece....anyway.
I dont really know what I could crit here, is it a song??coz some things work out on songs that dont on poems...and anyway..its a good piece there's not really much i could suggest
just a few thing i guess....like the 'sneak a peak' bit..i dunno....sneak a peak is so overused
The piece was really discriptive, which was nice. I particullarly liked the "she's a singer and a writer' verse, and the way u changed the ending of the verse slightly. it has that same cynical tone which ur other piece had, which i liked