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#1
ok, i'll start

A man walks into a bar. His alcohol dependency is destroying his family.

A black guy and a white guy walk into the bar. The bar is located somewhere in the deep south, so the black guy gets told all these racial slurs.

A guy goes to his doctor and tells him "doctor, doctor, i think im a horse." The guy gets institutionalized.


GO!

Edit: I did use the seachbar and nothing came up, so stop saying I didn't use it
Quote by RU Experienced?
See the FFFFFFFFFUUUUUUUUUU- thread, he's a God amongst men.

^^ about me


Confucius once say: "Women is like jazz music, 3/4 jazz time, 1/4 ragtime."

This is my sig, get over it. ಠ_ಠ
Last edited by xyz66 at Aug 17, 2008,
#2
Wanna hear a joke?

Me neither.
Quote by Teh Forest King
A kid took a fetal pig during pig dissection, put a napkin on it as a cape, wrote "super pig" on it, then threw it out the window onto the greenhouse below, yelling "super pig, blast off!". He failed the pig lab
#3
An Englishman, an Irishman and a Scotsman walk into a bar.


What a great, racially intergrated society we live in.
YOU WILL LOVE EACH OTHER
YOU WILL LOVE EACH OTHER
YOU WILL LOVE EACH OTHER
YOU WILL LOVE EACH OTHER
YOU WILL LOVE EACH OTHER
YOU WILL LOVE EACH OTHER
YOU WILL LOVE EACH OTHER
//////////////////////////////////////HEALTH
#7
A man walks into a bar, has a few pints and goes home again.

He later dies of pneumonia.

ಠ_ಠ

wat

#8
Quote by xyz66
ok, i'll start

A man walks into a bar. His alcohol dependency is destroying his family.

A black guy and a white guy walk into the bar. The bar is located somewhere in the deep south, so the black guy gets told all these racial slurs.

A guy goes to his doctor and tells him "doctor, doctor, i think im a horse." The guy gets institutionalized.


GO!

Those are the worst anti-jokes I have ever heard. Did you make them yourself?
#10
Why did the blonde jump off a bridge?
Because she was clinically depressed and wanted to end her life.
Sigs Are For Pussies
#11
why did the chicken cross the road?

Because he was a homosexual.

A black guy walks into a bar, he then has a beer.
#12
Quote by sg255
An Englishman, an Irishman and a Scotsman walk into a bar.


What a great, racially intergrated society we live in.


lqtm

ok, so im bangin this chick, im rly goin to town on her u know? crankin it to eleven and all that good stuff, and thats when she said, "thats my leg."

Quote by MV4824
She's a "new girl".. when did she ship to your home? What condition was she in?

Make sure to give the seller good feedback on ebay.. we all know humans are just objects after all.
#13
Whats the difference between a pile of dead babies and a Corvette?
A pile of dead babies consists of at least 3+ babies, all of which are no longer alive and strewn into a mangled mountain of decomposing flesh and human waste, whilst a Corvette is a sports car manufactured by Chevrolet.
Member #5 of the Official Conan O'Brien Club; PM Tom Trendy to join
#14
-Guitar Gear-
1995 American Fender Strat, EMG 85 pup
Randall RH200 Head
Marshall 1960a Cab
Woods Acoustic
-Bass Gear-
Spector Legend 4 bass
Washburn Bantam bass
Hartke HA2500
Fender Bassman 410H
Play what you love, love what you play
#16
A priest and a rabbi were walking along one day. Although they were devoted to different faiths, each man respected the religious beliefs of the other. They spoke of this mutual acceptance to others and helped make the world a better place.

Get it?
No animals were harmed in order to bring you the above post. However, several photons were greatly inconvenienced.

ALL GLORY TO THE HYPNO-TOAD
#17
Quote by saltysnail
What's the difference between ts and me?

I know how to use the searchbar.

/fail



i used the searchbar and nothing came up :]
Quote by RU Experienced?
See the FFFFFFFFFUUUUUUUUUU- thread, he's a God amongst men.

^^ about me


Confucius once say: "Women is like jazz music, 3/4 jazz time, 1/4 ragtime."

This is my sig, get over it. ಠ_ಠ
#18
A priest, a rabbi, and a buddhist monk walk into a bar, sit at the end and start having some drinks. Two hours later, they come out with a better understanding of each other and a mutual respect, the beginnings of a friendship that last a lifetime.

Man 1: Knock, Knock
Man 2: Who's there?
Man 1: It's me Johnny.
Man 2: Oh, hey man! Come on in, and have a beer.

What do you get when you're gay?
Made fun of.

What do you get when you cross a chicken with a centipede?
A media circus about the debate over the morals and ethics of genetic engineering.

So, there were an Irishman, an Englishman and an American wrecked on an island. One day, they found a bottle, and when they opened it, a ghost came out and offered them each a wish. However, even though they wished for different stuff, nothing happened, as the three guys of varying nationalities were just having shared hallucinations from hunger.

Why did the blonde get fired from the M&M factory?
Repeated absences and stealing.

Why didn't the skeleton cross the road?
Because it was just the decomposing remains of a long forgotten murder case in a remote field.

What do you say to a woman with two black eyes?
" Would you like an ice pack? "

Jesus is hanging on the cross and John approaches.
John says: "Jesus, its John. How may I serve thee in thy time of need?"
Jesus replies: "YEEEAAAAAAAARGGHGGGHGGHGGGHGGHGGH!!!!!"

Patrick and Michael were walking along in a forest, when Patrick falls over and breaks his leg on a tree root.
In agony, Patrick turns to Michael and says "Quick, call me an ambulance!".
Michael replies " Okay I'll just go to that public telephone we saw earlier down the path - I'll be back in five minutes. ".

What's the difference between a post box and a vagina?
A post box is a public container for the deposit of outgoing mail, and a vagina is the passage leading from the opening of the vulva to the cervix of the uterus in female mammals.

Why do Mexicans not like going out in the rain?
It's wet.

A horse walks into a bar, and the barman says "Why the long face?". The horse replies:
"I'm deeply troubled by the anthropomorphic aspects of my existance and the extent to which I am now protected by law."

A duck walks into a bar...
Animal control is promptly called, the duck is then taken to a nearby park and released.

That'll do for now.
#20
So one day I'm walking and I see this homeless guy. He tells me he suffers from a colon disease that will kill him in 3 months, he has no food, no shelter, and his family died in a tragic car accident that was entirely his fault.

So I raped his face.
#21
Quote by antman4
Why did the blonde jump off a bridge?
Because she was clinically depressed and wanted to end her life.



best one :-D
dude, what about an actual solo in death metal instead of that poof from linkin park. Think of Pulse of the Maggots - Bed Of Razors


#1 MEMEBER OF THE OFFICIAL THRASH METAL FAN CLUB (PM URE FAV BANDS TO ME TO JOIN)
#22
Knock knock.

Who's there?

Cancer.
Quote by HunterRiggs10
Your post completes me.

Quote by mrwaffles
I think you've won this thread.

Quote by freedoms_stain
darthteet just scored big on the win scale.
#23
"oh yeah? well the jerk store called. they're running out of you!"

"did you happen, to write down their number?"
Living is easy with eyes closed...
--------------------------

Quote by GnR_ROK
I'm surprised you returned to this thread after cheeseman owned you.
#28
Quote by antman4
Why did the blonde jump off a bridge?
Because she was clinically depressed and wanted to end her life.




A black man walks into a bar, and is served just like everyone else, as his people have been fighting for civil rights for decades and have earned their place in our society.
Here's what the critics are saying about Hanzi_G:

Quote by SteveHouse
Hanzi_G = god damned prophet.

SIG ME GODDAMMIT
#29
why couldnt helen keller drive?

Because she was blind and deaf.
Quote by loganrocksabass

how can your girlfriend be in your band if she's in the kitchen?
#30
Quote by Hanzi_G


A black man walks into a bar, and is served just like everyone else, as his people have been fighting for civil rights for decades and have earned their place in our society. But then when he is asked to pay he yells "can't you see I'm black nigga? Your grandpa owned my dad you racist prick" and then walks out with out paying.

Fixed
#31
Quote by Quash


A horse walks into a bar, and the barman says "Why the long face?". The horse replies:
"I'm deeply troubled by the anthropomorphic aspects of my existance and the extent to which I am now protected by law."

That reminds me:
#32
An asian man walks into a bar and orders sushi.

The bartender says "We do not serve sushi here"

The asian man leaves, disappointed. He later kills himself because he found out his wife was cheating on him with the bartender.
#33
Quote by DrPants PhD
An asian man walks into a bar and orders sushi.

The bartender says "We do not serve sushi here"

The asian man leaves, disappointed. He later kills himself because he found out his wife was cheating on him with the bartender.


i love this thread.

"What did you get for Christmas?"

"AIDS"
Here's what the critics are saying about Hanzi_G:

Quote by SteveHouse
Hanzi_G = god damned prophet.

SIG ME GODDAMMIT
#34
one day a duck walks into a pharmacy, he asks the pharmacist "do you have anything for my bill, It's very chapped". The pharmacist replies "No, get the **** out of my store."
Just remember, at the end of the game, the king and the pawn go in the same box
#35
Why didn't TS use the searchbar

Because hes an idiot.
"You've got to dance like nobody else is watching.
Dream like you will live forever.
Live like you're going to die tomorrow,
and love like it is never gonna hurt."
-- James Dean (1931-1955)

Quote by JakeTheDuck
This man has the right idea.


^
oh yeahhh
#37
A man walks into a whorehouse and pays a prostitute for sex. He contracts an STD and passes it onto his pregnant wife. Their child is born deformed and has a difficult life.
When asked if he could see the humor in the situation, the child replied "No. No I don't."

The Pope walks into a bar. The bartender says, what'll ya have, Pope? But the Pope's grasp of English is tenuous at best, so he mumbles something in Latin. The bartender doesn't know any Latin. The Pope gets frustrated and leaves.

Have you seen Stevie Wonder's new house?
No.
Well, it's really nice.

Where did Hitler keep his armies?
The brunt of his forces were applied to the Eastern front, but throughout different periods of the war, a sizable chunk were used to protect the Atlantic Wall and a handful of divisions were used in Africa, to secure shipping routes.

A kid is riding down the street when his chain pops off his bicycle. The kid yells "God damn!" as he begins to fix it. A priest walking nearby overhears the boy taking god's name in vain and says "Don't say 'God damn' say 'God help us'".
The kid says, "I am an atheist, get away from me".

What's the difference between a Jew and a pizza?
A Jew is a person adhering to the Judaic faith and a pizza is an oven-baked, flat, usually circular bread covered with tomato sauce and cheese with optional garnishes.

How do you confuse a blonde?
Paint yourself green and throw forks at her.

What's the difference between a dog and a fox?
One is of the genus canis, the other is of the genus vulpis

A penguin is driving through the desert when his car starts making horrible noises. He manages to get the car into a small town before it finally stalls out in the middle of the street. He gets out of the car and, hiking through the hot desert afternoon, sweat pouring down his penguin brow, he locates the town's car repair shop.
"Excuse me, sir," the penguin says as he approaches the mechanic. "My car's broken down a little way down the street. I was hoping you could help me."
The mechanic pauses for a moment, then shakes his head. "No, I can't help you," he says.
"Why not?" asks the penguin.
"Because you're another hallucination, and I have to close the shop down now and take my medication and maybe take a nap so that it can take effect." The mechanic slams the door in the penguin's face.
The penguin, stunned and dismayed, wanders around town for another hour, but he can't find anyone to help him. Unaccustomed to such sweltering, overwhelming heat, and unable to find shelter of any sort from the intense afternoon sun, the penguin soon succumbs to the heat and dies.

What's sad about 4 black people going over a cliff in a Cadillac?
They were my friends.

Why does Snoop Dogg carry an umbrella around?
In case it should rain.

There once was a man from Nantucket. He owned a sailboat. I haven't seen him in years.

How many mice does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
I imagine it would take a great many. Mice would find it difficult to reach a ceiling light fitting, and would individually lack the strength or dexterity required to turn a bulb in such a socket. Even if you had enough mice to lend their strength to such an endeavor, the chances of them having the intelligence and wherewithall to perform such a complex activity is really quite low.
Last edited by Quash at Aug 17, 2008,
#39
why did the cow jump over the moon?

It didnt....how could it? seriously dude
Quote by loganrocksabass

how can your girlfriend be in your band if she's in the kitchen?
#40
A man had a sexual identity crisis

He later castrated himself
Quote by takeapicture


YOU CAN ALL SUCK MY 3 INCH WILLY


Quote by primusfan
i'm the one pulling my own pants down in front of people. and i have a small penis.


Quote by imdeth
Penises look much better than vaginas in my opinion. A vagina looks like an axe wound.
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