#1
What u guys think???


From the second you hit the water
our world was cast in shadow
and the minute we all saw our fathers the news had already reached the galllows
and its here that we noticed a pattern
black hair and a cotton doll
by the time the police came back they had to interview us all

you wanted to breathe
and now youve got your place
dont forget where you drowned inside of this lake
and now theyve found your body there willl be no mistake
tonite is the nite and red rum is the game

You read about her in obituaries
regardless of the weight she couldnt carry
and we'll have found the culprit last of all
with the last one hidden in his wall
and even though we know she died
we could see tears left in her eyes
and she remembered this before she died
the world wont cry
the world wont cry


You wanted to breathe
annd now youve got your place
dont forget where you drowned inside of this lake
and now weve found your body there wil be no mistake
tonite is the nght and redrum is the game

Is this what you call murder
what else is left to hurt her
is this where you were buried beneath my floor
is this what you call murder what else is left to hurt her
is this where you were buried beneath my floor

you wanted to breathe
and now youve got your place
dont forget where you drowned inside of this lake
and now weve found your body there will be no mistake
tonite is the nite and redrum is the game
you wanted to breathe you wanted to breathe
before she died
you wanted to breathe
you wanted to breathe
before she died!
Music is like cand, Throw away the Rappers
#2
Not bad, a tad repeditive, but i think thats what you were going for, and it works for the style. id tr to make it a tad longer if possible, its still good as is. Out of curiosity what genre is this written for?
If i say im lying am i telling the truth?
Shawn Lane Rest In Peace!
Rip Dimbag
and sadly Rip Roger "Syd" Barrett gone but not forgotten
and more so recently Brad Delp
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A dyslexic man walks into a bra