Plz comment on anything I should change or do.i am new at this
(Recently edited and re arranged)

I went on thinking everything was perfect
everyone thought we looked cute
that was until I
was hit with truth

I loved her with all my heart
but she tore it apart
love and pain work hand in hand
this time the pain I just couldnt stand

she said she'd been thinkin
she needed to grow up
she was almost 18
and thought her time was up

she said sry baby
but I cant handle this now
I said I can help you sweetie
you just have to show me how


I went through the days
just wonderin why
i never found my answer
but she doesnt care
so why should I


Although we arent together
she made my life alot better
keeping my spirits high
teaching me how to fly
Last edited by Fatal24 at Aug 18, 2008,

Read the rules, your title is against them, and you aren't allowed to bump your piece. It's only been up a few hours so be patient. Once this thread has been closed, re-post it so it is within the rules and if you want comments the best thing to do is to read over and criticise someone else's piece then leave them a link to your one and they will return the crit.