#1
Verse// When you left a piece of me left too, but your gone and there's nothing i can do. For everything you did there was always an excuse.
You can't evan give me one second of your day, your always driving me away.


Chorus//- You dont realize what your doing to my heart, i , cant evan think of a time when you helped me up when i fell, when you reached out to me in the cold, i'll never know what i did, and your still gone.

Verse// All these years we've been so close and now without you here my life is crashing down. My heart is bout to break . Was this all a big mistake?
You cant evan give me one second of your day , your always driving me away.

Chorus

Bridge// My love is as deep as the sea it flows forever, when will it end? I assure you never.

Chorus
#2
It was good. Seemed kinda weepy to me though, and I'd drop the line,

My heart is bout to break .

Its to cliche

Crit mine?

http://ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?t=934486
My favorite band is Tool.


Quote by dio_dude
despite the funny name, unknownpunkrock is the coolest 08'er.

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#4
Quote by KGM._92
Verse// When you left a piece of me left too, but your gone and there's nothing i can do. For everything you did there was always an excuse.
You can't evan give me one second of your day, your always driving me away.
I'm skipping this one because the rest says it all.


Chorus//- You dont realize what your doing to my heart, i , cant evan think of a time when you helped me up when i fell, when you reached out to me in the cold, i'll never know what i did, and your still gone.
Okay dude, this what i agree and alot of people would agreeto. Not to be mean or anything, but this is really cliche! If you don't know what it is, example, there was a man named shadow, who had a scar over his left eye, he wore all black and he had red eyes. That was just an example sentence. Now looking at these lyrics, try and make it more realistic, example, "When you reached out to me in the cold." Instead of that you should have, "I could feel your hand reach through the cold." Now doesn't that sound better??


Verse// All these years we've been so close and now without you here my life is crashing down. My heart is bout to break . Was this all a big mistake?
You cant evan give me one second of your day , your always driving me away.
Okay again, CLICHE! and your trying to ryhme every line. Lyrics are not about ryhming, watch Music and Lyrics and you'll get what i mean, there is a line i like to quote that is... "Lyrics is like sex!" If you catch my drift... Instead of, "Now without you here my life is crashing down." You should have. "Without you by my side, i can't control my life aflot." I like what i have just wrote, because it flows, and it's not as cliche as yours!


Chorus As i said before, if you are reading this, read what i wrote for the chorus again!

Bridge// My love is as deep as the sea it flows forever, when will it end? I assure you never.

CLICHE! Now i'm singing the word! The love is as deep as the sea? Thats so corny! Your not Ben Stiller nor Owen Wilson, so say somthing else like... "Staying by me, my love with you will never depart." Or somthing like that.

Chorus


Not bad, it's just to CLICHE! Not to be hard on you, but thats what you gotta learn...
#5
your should be spelt you're
Quote by zapatista89
you know the music from zelda that plays when you open a chest? that played in my head reading that headline.
#7
Quote by Survivalism
Just like "spelt" should be spelled "spelled."


haha... damn got me on that one, touché
Quote by zapatista89
you know the music from zelda that plays when you open a chest? that played in my head reading that headline.