#1
Its kinda Bob Dylanish...like desolation row meets tangled up in blue, just check it out and critique plz...i have plenty more to post if u want me too

Today the lepers are crying,
Out in joy,
As they feed their only friends,
In ponds full of koi,
While the other folks tend to,
Their fields planted with soy,
And none of them have parents,
not even the little boys,
So you can feel me,
Or you can leave me alone,
But not now...

Hey Mr. Lawyer,
Look what you've took,
You've taken all of the innocents,
Away from the crooks,
And yes we know you're famous,
I can tell by your looks,
But dont worry 'bout money now,
Just pay me in books,
You can read 'em now,
Or you can leave me alone
But not now...

Our leaders try to stop it but,
The winds a-gonna blow,
So come, reap my friends,
What you have sown,
And now i'm here but that doesn't,
Mean you're not on your own,
I already know there is nothing that,
You could not have known,
Yeah you can figure it out,
Or you can leave me alone,
But not now...

All of the elderly,
Are being lured,
Into some strange kind of trap,
But they can't be sure,
Stop looking and searching,
There is no cure,
It turns out our youth could not,
Be any less pure,
So you can clean up your act son,
Or you can leave me alone,
But not now...

I guess I'll talk to Satan for ya,
So you can pay your dues,
But for now make like a politician,
And wait for your cue,
Look at all of these millions,
I have accrewed,
What else can I do with them,
But give it all to you,
So you can steal it all,
Or you can leave me alone,
But not now...

Just stop shedding tears babe,
Control your emotions,
If it makes you feel better,
You can spit in the ocean,
but thats alot of spit and lies,
just take a look at the quotient,
But the tide still keeps rollin,
In perpetual motion,
And you can try and stop it,
Or you can leave me alone,
But not now...

You know you can still bail out,
Of my sinking ship,
But not if you speak up,
so you better hold your lip,
Just swallow your pride,
Its not poison take a sip,
You don't know how to read me,
But I'll give you a tip,
You can start learnin,
Or you can leave me alone,
But not now...

So now I'm gonna leave you,
Will one final thought,
Not about what you are,
Its about what you're not,
You never were that sly,
Its why you got caught,
So you can get a little better,
Or you can leave me alone,
But not now...

Oh no...
Any other time but not now...
Pot
Kettle
Black
#4
it was good definatintly sounded like bob dylan maybe a little to much though I instantly thought piano man the more i read the more it seemed like that song. just my thoughts though
#5
Quote by speedy1330
it was good definatintly sounded like bob dylan maybe a little to much though I instantly thought piano man the more i read the more it seemed like that song. just my thoughts though



Piano Man???

You mean Mr Tambourine man???

i didnt mean for it to sound too much like him, but i guess i minds think alot alike

Pot
Kettle
Black
#7
Quote by A Rolling Stone
Piano Man???

You mean Mr Tambourine man???

i didnt mean for it to sound too much like him, but i guess i minds think alot alike



yeah sure that'swhat I meant
#10
I don't know Bob paints really definite pictures with each verse. i felt a little disjointed here.

I like the flow though it was nice.

I didn't like the
"Or you can leave me alone
But not now"

It was kind of like you were making a point worth mentioning then you do a 180 by saying "or you can leave me alone" - when you say this it's like someone is bringing you a bother but you couldn't care less you just want to be left alone, then you turn around and say "but not now" it's like you have done a full 180 on your 180"

It's like you build this big deal then deliver a twist then you twist it right back to where we started and the listener is left thinking well what was the point in that?

Anyway from a fellow Dylan fanatic. Dylan would write a song in fifteen minutes. He did it because he wrote for non stop for an hour to four hours a day everyday for his entire life. Go hard man you got something worth growing. Don't spend too much time on one thing just keep going and going and going. yeah.
Si