#1
gazing up high, up into the calming blueness of the sky
i can't help but feel i am looking straight into god's eyes
into the great template that colors the sky
as i lay in wonder and sigh

i hear the distant thunder
that echoes beyond the flawless sky above
i sense the coming storm
yet still i feel the warmth of his enveloping eyes

can i get lost in those deep blue eyes
and be free from this self inflicting demise
longing for the comfort found in your steadfast strength
i surrender my life and soul
i will listen
i will wait

can i get lost in those vast blue eyes
where swirls of redemption and grace intertwine
to leave my head spinning and senses on fire
as i lay here mourning the flight of a caught butterfly

can i get lost in this great big sky
where the limitations of nations and imaginations subside
completely lost to be carried by the whims of the winds
finally led to a place uncharted, a path not many tread

lost but yet found, in the sense of the word
i've come full circle, this voice to be heard
now louder than the ground, yet softer than the sound
i challenge the squall's intention, it's intention to drown
its battle to confine this burning passion with doubt
it's whispers of failure seeping out of its mouth
it's struggle to cage this bursting spirit in
to hide and conceal it
to steal it from Him

now gazing up into the sky
into god's great blue eyes
i lay in wonder and sigh

i hear the distant thunder
i sense the coming storm
and still i feel the warmth of his enveloping eyes


...criticism and comments appreciated! thanks
#2
Although I don't personally believe in a divine master, I still thought this was beautifully written and conveyed a clear message while arousing crisp imagery. I don't have much to say about any editing that could be done, I think it's great how it is.
#4
This is a great song...however..

Get ready for the emails and messages on your phone...
Poeple are going to run away with the "blue eyed God" reference..lol..
Beware of White Supremacy interpretations...
I didnt get that from your poetry here..but just beware
I bet Charlie Brown's teacher's name was Mrs.Hammett
#5
thanks for the comments, its cool to hear different people's perspectives.
aaand yeah, haha, i realized the whole "blue eye" thing after i posted it. but i do'nt know how to change that...i mean...the sky is blue. but we'll see, i'll mess around with it
#6
Well...

I believe that Sky was used a few too many times, Try abyss or heavens.
The whole use of eyes thing is a little... wierd to me, that you've suficiently used that word several times in a few stanzas. I can't seem to grasp the flow of it

Obviously, you sir are not going for the simple lyrical pattern here. I admire the fact that it is a bit abstract... however as of now I'm unclear how you wish the rythym to go.