#1
More of a poem then a song I guess, its the first thing I've written. I need all the pointers and help anyone has to offer, thanks.


I wish our minds could open wide
And show the beauty that lies inside
They will someday and we'll be so far away
After knowing what's out there how could we stay

Heightened sense can't begin to comprehend
What we would see beyond the universe' end
Shapes so perfect in every way
Living eternity as a single day

A glimpse of this is all I've gotten
And in mere seconds, half was forgotten
Why does it seem so long
Waiting a lifetime to get turned on

Until this happens I'll live my days
Carry on in my human ways
Never knowing what's truly out there
Left to wonder what I cannot conceive
#2
that's pretty good for your first poem! the main thing that i felt after i read it was that i was waiting for something to happen. i don't know, i mean it's your poem and thoughts, but if you went a bit deeper with that same idea, your poem would be more solid. it's definently a start, but it could use a bit more editing in my opinion.
good job overall!