#1
Yeah, wrote this in two days

I'm pretty proud of it.

It's my first attempt at this genre

I might use it as the intro song to my album I'm making (Y)


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#2
Oh me love myself some doom metal!

Okey, the intro starts of. The Choir Aahs sets out a feeling of despair since they are so deep, they would most likely sound better on a real keyboard, since GP has a tendency to make some instruments sound like shite.

The tempo is a little of. I haven't heard of a doom song which tempo is set to 240 bpm. You would be better of setting the tempo at 120 and double the note values. When you do that snare roll, please don't have eight notes on the snare on some bars, it just makes it sound awkward.

The solo is off key pretty much all the time. It's because of the harmonisation I assume, but if you mute the harp or the solo guitar, it's still off key. You blend in major key notes. If you fix that, it will sound much better. I got to admit, the off key notes have a certain charm.

The bass is boring, it fulfills its purpose but nothing more. How about a bass fill here and there or octave the notes sometime? Listen to Swallow the Sun's bassist, he knows how to do it nicely.

The verse is better of as a chorus actually.


And that's just the cons, don't get me started on the pros, then I will sit here all day. Definetly one of the better songs I've seen on this forum.

9,2/10

PS. I don't have a song up yet, but I will get in touch when I do. DS.
"A war is coming, I've seen it in my dreams. Fires sweeping through the earth, bodies in the streets, cities turned to dust. Retaliation..."


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#3
Thanks dude
Yeah, when I say chorus and verse, I just mean bits where there will be vocals :L
It's just habit for me to start everything off with 180/240bpm, cos I usually write death metal and the likes :L
I was trying to incorporate some modal stuff into the solo.. I take it it didn't go to well? :L

Yeah, I might change the bass line a bit
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#4
Well yeah you should be proud of this song. i dont really have any comments apart from the verse is amazing, above the rest of the song. 10/10 good stuff
#5
Thanks man
you got any songs you want me to crit or anything?
My Band =]
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#7
- love the intro how it fades in. the snares slot in perfectly.
- when main riff comes in, epicccccccc.
- the pre chorus intro doesnt flow that well. overall it is good, but doesnt flow into it well.
- flows well into the chorus though. chorus is very simple, but effective.
- i like the 'other riff', maybe goes for a little too long.
- not a fan of the solo. i liek the dive, but yeh thats about it. alot of it sounded out of key, not sure if it was, but yeh.
- liked the outrooo.

some good riffs and orchestral peices in there, just got a little bit repeatative.
#8
I think you set the Tempo too high Just use 120 bpm, it fits better for a doom song.
Intro is Nice, goes very well with the main Riff. Vserse is also good, maybe the best part of the song. Not too fond on the Pre-Chorus, kinda too much "Chugg" for me. Maybe throw a lead guitar line over it? Or some Lead-Bass-work? The Bass in this song lacks of inspiration. It´s a shame that the chorus was the same "Chuggy" part. It woul have done great with some dark epic part as a chorus, maybe try to integriate that into it. Back to the verse, not bad. the other Riff is great, although you could do much more with the drums. They just fulfill their purpose, and nothing more. HOw about setting accents? Didn´t like the Solo, the harmonisation and the ultra-shred kinda threw me off it. Verse was nice, and a good long outro. Seemed kinda generic, tho, because it repeated the main theme. Maybe try something darker sounding? Or some odd chord as outro? Some dissonance could do great stuff in there. Good stuff, but it needs some fine-tuning, and more bass work. 8/10
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