#1
Opinions on it would be greatly appreciated, My first lyrics I've written in 4 years.. been a while.

Let me tell ya bout a story, Aint for the weak cause its going to get gory,
there was a kid in school who always followed the rules,
kept kis head straight never late and his grades were first rate,
got kicked and picked on for it, s.h.i.t he even got hit and spit on for it,
then one day he made up his mind that he wasnt gonna take it anymore,
decided to grab a knife and get ready for the blood to hit the floor,
later that day he was in art, saw a jock bitch and decided to tear his ****ing head apart,
he grabbed the knife from his backpack, took one look and he started to hack,
the blade ripped through his throat, the blood runnin down his coat,
that wasn't enough for the kid though, he wasnt satisfied and he wanted more,
yanked the blade out with a feelin of zest, decided to cut up and down his chest,
the whole class was in shock, and there wasnt much time left on the clock,
he cut off his f.u.c.k.ing dick, stuck his hand in his chest and started to rip,
snapped his ribs and grabbed his heart, threw it at the teacher and called it his art,
walked through the halls with his blood on his hands, cops were coming fast and he quickly ran,
he got in his car hands fidgetin, and he stuck the key in the engine,
pulled in reverse and went as fast as he could in a hearse,
the cop sirens were gettin louder and clearer,
he could see them catchin up in his rear view mirror,
decided if he was going down he was gonna take them with him,
slammed his foot down and went for the gas station,
hit right into a pump and the gas leaked everywhere, lit a f.u.c.k.ing match and threw it in the air,
his father searched his home, to find traces of what went wrong,
they found a journal and in it the people who had hurt him for so long,
his father was a cop, pissed and mean,
took one look at his glock and his head filled with steam,
he went to the school and called the kids on the speaker,
said it was about his boy and he wanted to dig deeper,
told them to come to his cop car and he stuck the four in the back,
started headin for the desert and they realized they were trapped,
the cop heard their cries and he just drove on and laughed,
he had finally gotten in the middle of the desert,
broke their f.u.c.k.ing legs and threw them in the dirt,
he left them there for the vultures to eat them alive,
they started circlin around and they came to a dive,
went for their eyes first when they started to cry,
ate the flesh from their skin, left the bones where they lie,
revenge is sweet, its a nice little treat,
but sometimes it can be addicting,
and carry on just like in the story im depicting,
remember this story when people do you wrong,
lifes always better when those people are gone.
#3
Yeah it is, thought of doing something like this after listening to some necro. Usually not that into rap though, so this was a first for me. Thanks for the compliment.
Last edited by Katastrophik at Aug 23, 2008,
#4
It is very good. I would throw a few more lines in there right after the lighting of the match. It seems to jump form that to his dad too quickly, possibly describe what happened when he lit the match, what was left after, etc.

One last thing: I don't think "ate the flesh from their skin" is possible. Flesh is skin so I would try and find different words there. Overall though, I actually enjoyed reading it, it was well written
-"Son, hurry up, it's almost time to go!"

-"Okay daddy, almost ready."

-"Got your pads son?"

-"Yes dad."

-"Have your helmet?"

-"Yes dad, I do."

-"Good, your bus should be here any minute now..."
#5
Dude nice lyrics, while i was reading them, i was hearing the song in my head hehe...
Love the ending.
"oh sh*t i gotta do vibrato"
-Marty Friedman

Best quote ever.
#6
Thanks for the criticism, I'll probably work on it later when I find the time and post it up here. I'm glad you enjoyed it .


EDIT: Decided to just throw in a few more verses real quick. Hope it flows better.

Let me tell ya bout a story, Aint for the weak cause its going to get gory,
there was a kid in school who always followed the rules,
kept kis head straight never late and his grades were first rate,
got kicked and picked on for it, s.h.i.t he even got hit and spit on for it,
then one day he made up his mind that he wasnt gonna take it anymore,
decided to grab a knife and get ready for the blood to hit the floor,
later that day he was in art, saw a jock bitch and decided to tear his ****ing head apart,
he grabbed the knife from his backpack, took one look and he started to hack,
the blade ripped through his throat, the blood runnin down his coat,
that wasn't enough for the kid though, he wasnt satisfied and he wanted more,
yanked the blade out with a feelin of zest, decided to cut up and down his chest,
the whole class was in shock, and there wasnt much time left on the clock,
he cut off his f.u.c.k.ing dick, stuck his hand in his chest and started to rip,
snapped his ribs and grabbed his heart, threw it at the teacher and called it his art,
walked through the halls with his blood on his hands, cops were coming fast and he quickly ran,
he got in his car hands fidgetin, and he stuck the key in the engine,
pulled in reverse and went as fast as he could in a hearse,
the cop sirens were gettin louder and clearer,
he could see them catchin up in his rear view mirror,
decided if he was going down he was gonna take them with him,
slammed his foot down and went for the gas station,
hit right into a pump and the gas leaked everywhere,
he lit a f.u.c.k.ing match and threw it in the air,
the explosion was top notch, it destroyed half a city block,
it'd take em months to fix and reconstruct what he had taken and f.u.c.k.ed up,
his father heard the news within minutes of the big bang,
his heart filled with hate anger angst and pain,
his father searched his home, to find traces of what went wrong,
they found a journal and in it the people who had hurt him for so long,
his father was a cop, pissed and mean,
took one look at his glock and his head filled with steam,
he went to the school and called the kids on the speaker,
said it was about his boy and he wanted to dig deeper,
told them to come to his cop car and he stuck the four in the back,
started headin for the desert and they realized they were trapped,
the cop heard their cries and he just drove on and laughed,
he had finally gotten in the middle of the desert,
broke their f.u.c.k.ing legs and threw them in the dirt,
he left them there for the vultures to eat them alive,
they started circlin around and they came to a dive,
went for their eyes first when they started to cry,
ate the flesh from their bones, and left them where they lie,
revenge is sweet, its a nice little treat,
but sometimes it can be addicting,
and carry on just like in the story im depicting,
remember this story when people do you wrong,
lifes always better when those people are gone.
Last edited by Katastrophik at Aug 24, 2008,