#1
i watched the roots
feed calypso branches
and breathe warm colors
on to the buds we admire
like a coat covering the chest
too fend off a cough.

panned through thousands of rocks
peeling away anything that doesnt
look at me with enough confidence
too knock a pompus princess
off of her horse.
Quote by ottoavist

i suppose there's a chance
i'm just a litte too shallow to consider
that maybe i've been a little more eager
each day to wake up and take a shower
brush my teeth and smile for the mirror
#2
The second stanza carried this piece.

I've re-read this 3 times now (in the last 5 minutes) and I just can't really dig stanza one. It feels too poetic for its own good. Like you were just throwing out "deep" images with a hope that you would connect the them to the second stanza. I really love the ending though.

Still reading my friend.

-zC

If you feel like it, just a read and a comment on Uga-Booga would be appreciated.
#3
Haha, I also felt the first stanza was fluffy. Yes, it does stand there for something, but I almost feel it might be a better read if I take it out.
Quote by ottoavist

i suppose there's a chance
i'm just a litte too shallow to consider
that maybe i've been a little more eager
each day to wake up and take a shower
brush my teeth and smile for the mirror
#4
The stanzas' connection seems limited, though they both have merit (two more so than one). Stanza two was great, I think, but could do with being expanded upon (if, of course, you have more to say). Putting the two of them together with the connection of... being together, is too weak for both of them.

I think an expansion, just a little one, on stanza two and a scrap of one would make this excellent (depending on what you did with it, obviously). As it is, it doesn't feel at all finished.

I'd much appreciate a comment on my last one (6 in my sig) if you could.
There's only one thing we can do to thwart the plot of these albino shape-shifting lizard BITCHES!