#1
My wife bought me a mood ring. We discovered that when I am in a good mood it turns
green, and when I am in a bad mood it leaves a big ****ing red mark on her forehead.


What do spinach and anal sex have in common?'

If you were forced to have it as a kid, you'll hate it as an adult.


I whacked it over a blind girl yesterday.

She never saw me coming.


What do bricks and fat girls have in common?

Both are laid by Mexicans.


This Chinese chap goes into a bank to change some currency, after receiving his money he asks "How come I came in here with same amount of money as yesterday but today I get less yuans in return?"
The banker says "Fluctuations"
The chinese guy replies... "Fluck you Blitish too".

Women are like parking spaces, normally all the good ones are taken.

So, occasionally, when no one's looking, you have to stick it in a disabled one.


I once shagged an English teacher up the arse. She didn't like it.

She objected to my improper use of a colon.


I called that Rape Advice Line earlier today.

Unfortunately, it's only for victims.


I went out with a girl last week. She told me she wanted to be 'treated like a Princess'.

So I put her in the back of a Mercedes and drove it into a wall.


If you have sex with a prostitute without her permission, is it rape... or shoplifting?
Statistically... 9 out of 10 people enjoy gang rape.
Pedophiles are ****ing immature assholes.


How do you know if your girlfriend is too young for you?

You have to make aeroplane noises to get your dick in her mouth.


I was at a cash machine when an old lady came up to me and asked to check her balance.

So I pushed the old **** over


A man goes into a library and asks for a book on suicide.

The librarian says; "**** off, you won't bring it back."


lol sickipedia
Quote by H4T3BR33D3R
Way to show everybody up jackass.

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#2
I went out with a girl last week. She told me she wanted to be 'treated like a Princess'.

So I put her in the back of a Mercedes and drove it into a wall.


never has something in such poor taste made me laugh so damn hard!!
#7
Quote by Exo M7

I was at a cash machine when an old lady came up to me and asked to check her balance.


lmao i feel kinda bad for laughing
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#8
oh how dumb jokes are the best
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#9
Quote by crazy8rgood
never has something in such poor taste made me laugh so damn hard!!



I didn't get that one..

Explain ?
Quote by 20cdndollars
You are god, floppypick



Floppydick


If that's how you read my name, leave a message saying so on my profile
#10
Quote by floppypick
I didn't get that one..

Explain ?


Princess Diana was killed when she crashed in toa wall in a Mercedes.
#11
Quote by Aramis
Princess Diana was killed when she crashed in toa wall in a Mercedes.


Oh...

I laughed
Quote by 20cdndollars
You are god, floppypick



Floppydick


If that's how you read my name, leave a message saying so on my profile
#12
Whatever happened to the "Horrible Jokes You'll Go To Hell For Telling" thread?
Quote by Diet_coke_head
I love taking a nice dip of some horse shit, so good.
#13
Quote by floppypick
Oh...

I laughed


I half cringed and half laughed, I loved it.
#14
so this guy made a thread and didnt use the search bar but its ok because it had a weird name anyway but stil.... *reported*
The Mitch Clem formula
1)make jokes about rancid and NOFX (as if they dont already make fun of themselves)
2)make obvious punk puns, possibly related to food
3)make fun of Rancid and NOFX again
4)??????
5)PROFIT (and an army of internet fanboys)