#1
Ok, I posted this song a while back when it was just the intro, so here's an update. Instead of trying to dig up that month old topic, I'm just starting a new one.

This is actually, technically, 2 songs, but it plays through as 1 song since it's all in the same tab. It's still only about 3 minutes in length (because the 2nd song is incomplete), but it's still 2 songs so if you want me to C4C 2 of yours, I will, but give me a day or two since I've been busy lately.

The bridge riff is something I'm thinking of taking a little further, probably layering some leads over it (but not solos, not good at those) to spice it up before the song goes into the final verse/chorus.

Thanks a bunch anyone who leaves feedback. This is probably my best work yet, and I'm still pretty new at songwriting (heck, I'm still pretty new at guitar), so I think it's pretty good.


EDIT: I've revised each song and placed them both in seperate tabs. "Tranquility" is the instrumental intro, which didn't change musically, but I removed that odd time signature.
"Sea of Lies" is the other song, and has been changed dramatically. I removed the intro completely and replaced it with a more thrashy riff, though I think I'm probably going to add one more riff after that instead of going straight to the verse. I also added lyrics for the first 2 verses and the bridge. Comments on the lyrics aren't necessary, but are appreaciated. But do go easy on them, this is the first time I've actually written lyrics for a (full) song. Thanks again! --SP

btw, I've left the old .zip file up there in case newcomers to this topic wish to make comparisons between the new and old files.
Attachments:
New Song [GP4,GP5,MIDI].zip
Tranquility & Sea of Lies [MIDI,GP4, GP5].zip
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Last edited by Skillet_Panhead at Aug 29, 2008,
#2
Well the verse riff is pretty good

Overall though I didn't really like it. It was weird and not in a good way.

Scrap imo. Maybe keep the verse. I have no idea what style you're trying to pull off here
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#3
Quote by British_Steal
Well the verse riff is pretty good

Overall though I didn't really like it. It was weird and not in a good way.

Scrap imo. Maybe keep the verse. I have no idea what style you're trying to pull off here


Well at least you liked the verse riff. That's my personal favorite too. Honestly, I really dont know what kind of metal I'd classify this under, that's why it's just called "metal". Maybe it's a new style, or maybe it's just weird, or both. I don't know. But thanks anyway for the crit :P
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#4
Quote by Skillet_Panhead
Well at least you liked the verse riff. That's my personal favorite too. Honestly, I really dont know what kind of metal I'd classify this under, that's why it's just called "metal". Maybe it's a new style, or maybe it's just weird, or both. I don't know. But thanks anyway for the crit :P


Well the verse riff is way more thrash oriented then the rest of the song and since that your favorite maybe thats the direction your going for?

Just a suggestion. Finding the style of music you want to play is hard


and you say you just started guitar? Try and learn some covers. perhaps some thrash covers if you think thats the style you want. if you need any recommendations just PM me and i'd be glad to help
Quote by The Spoon
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#5
Quote by British_Steal
Well the verse riff is way more thrash oriented then the rest of the song and since that your favorite maybe thats the direction your going for?

Just a suggestion. Finding the style of music you want to play is hard


and you say you just started guitar? Try and learn some covers. perhaps some thrash covers if you think thats the style you want. if you need any recommendations just PM me and i'd be glad to help



Well I've been playing since January, but I still consider that "just started" since I'm still nowhere near as good as a lot of guitarists out there. But I have learned quite a few thrash songs. I can play most of Metallica's Master of Puppets album and numerous other songs by them, and I'm just starting to get into some Testament but they're just too hard for me :P Thanks for the suggestion.
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#6
Quote by Skillet_Panhead
Well I've been playing since January, but I still consider that "just started" since I'm still nowhere near as good as a lot of guitarists out there. But I have learned quite a few thrash songs. I can play most of Metallica's Master of Puppets album and numerous other songs by them, and I'm just starting to get into some Testament but they're just too hard for me :P Thanks for the suggestion.



There are lots of easy thrash haha. Not all of it is testament difficulty.

ex: Kreator, Sodom, Destruction, Possessed, Overkill etc. etc.
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#7
Thanks for the crit' man, yeah the 'Sevenfold influence was intentional.

The instrumental intro was cool, has a nice evil vibe going on. But the 4/2 bars weren't nesseccary, that could have been done in 4/4. Surely?

When the bass came in it was alright, I think the bass should just mirror the guitar int hat bit though.

When the lead and drums came in, that was very cool. Can I hear a Metallica influence?

The riff at 19 was pretty cool, again. Metallica-y. Which is cool.

The next song was odd. The G and B strings sounded really weird, maybe try a 9th fret on the B. For a bit of dissonance.

The hihats sounded weird aswell, maybe just have a every beat thing on the hihat, with the 16th notes on a double kick or something?

The bass solo was pretty cool, as was the bit where the guitars came in. Maybe some small drums in there, jsut cymbals or something.

The octave harmonies bit and the bit just before was cool. I lie the basic drums. It works really well!

Verse 1 was pretty cool, but it's taken ages to get here!
But again, very Metallica!

The chorus was cool, a highlight for me actually.

Preverse and verse were the same as they were before.

The bridge was cool, that D#5 with the F on bass (It was tuned down, half a step. Right? If I remember reading the tab right). That was cool, but maybe a standard D#5 (Or maybe an F5) would be better there.

Outro... yeah. There wasn't one, it ended to quickly. You need an outro, even if it's just a D#5 ringing out or something.

Overall, 8/10. Pretty cool song!

- Carl, xo
I deeply regret the 6661 in my username. Siiiigh. Damn you, 14 year old me, you edgy little bastard.
#8
Quote by British_Steal
Well the verse riff is pretty good

Overall though I didn't really like it. It was weird and not in a good way.

Scrap imo. Maybe keep the verse. I have no idea what style you're trying to pull off here


hah it wasnt that bad.

i thought the drums were the best part of the song
but i did like the verse riff

anyways it needs work
#9
Hey thanks for all the crits and suggestions, guys. Soo... where to start...

1st off, thanks for the thrash suggestions, Brittish_Steal. I'll definately keep those bands in mind

Now, to Carl.

--I kinda figured that was intentional in that song, especially with the A7X avi you got there :P

--Metallica influence was unintentional, but unavoidable here. I was going for more of a Testament vibe in this one, which I think I sorta hit with the verse on the 2nd song, but if it sounds like good ol' 'tallica, then fine. I have no problem with that, lol.

--The G and B strings were supposed to sound weird like that, just to sort of provide a little bit more eerieness after coming out of that instrumental. And the drums... I know the hi-hat sounds weird but it's supposed to simulate using both hands on the hi-hat to sort of double the speed. Can't really tab that right on GP, but it'd sound better live. And the whole intro section I'm thinking of swapping out for something more thrashy, but for now it's good for a bit of a space filler.

--Thanks for the drum suggestions during the bass solo. Thinking about it, it actually would be cool to throw in some tiny cymbals

--Glad you liked the chorus. I wanted to stay pretty simple for it, just single powerchords with an emphasis on the drums (which is why they're so dynamic throughout the chorus). Every instrument gets a highlight somewhere in this song, if that wasn't already obvious :P

--Bridge. As I stated earlier I'm going to be layering some leads over it, and my buddy and I are gonna come up with a solo or two to mix into the fray before the outro. Stick around, cuz it'll be sick. (I hope).

--Outro. I said at the beginning that the 2nd song is incomplete. So it's still got a little way's to go yet before the outro. You can expect to see a little more thrash and a big bang finish for sure.

To Lumberjackted--Thanks for the comment. I'm aware that it needs work, and it's going to be undergoing a lot of fine-tuning over the next week or so, that way my band can start playing it at our gigs.

*And I've decided to name the previously nameless instrumental intro "Tranquility." Comments? I think it seems to suit it well.*
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#11
Everyone please check my 1st post, it's been updated. Thanks! --SP
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#12
Well this is a lot better than your first go. You kept the verse riff which is great. only 1 suggestion, instead of putting a rest at the end of the palm mute why don't you make it a gallop. too hard to explain. I'll put up file.

Anyway, I just feel like something is missing. I don't know what it is. I think you still haven't gone completely thrash and there's some kind of odd influence in there that's just not fitting. It could be that you just haven't found your voice yet. I dunno what it is. you've got some cool riffs going though

Anyway, finish this up and keep going. this is a lot better than your original one so congrats

thanks for the crit btw
Attachments:
ex.zip
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Unless you're sure she likes you, telling her you like her has a 110% chance of failing.

But hey, at least you have a 10% chance of absolutely guaranteeing failure.
#13
sea of lies is quite cool so far , you should finish it , i really like the bridge
although his brother in names by symphony x is way better ( sorry to say that , just listen to the song )like the intro of trsanquility .. well .. but its just an intro
nonethekess keep it up , cool stuff 8/10
#14
Sea Of Lies was good, I liked the lyrics and the music flowed well. One thing I would suggest is making the use of powerchords more interesting, maybe some arpeggios or something. I'd also say maybe experimenting with different tunings may give you a heavier sound, but a lot of people would probably disagree with that. I'd try drop D to make those low E notes sound better personally. Personal peference I guess but as you've only been playing since January, it's really good. I agree with the others who said it sounded Metallica-ish, that's definetly something I thought as well. 7/10 for that one.

Tranquility is cool as well - it sounds pretty dark and evil, but gives a sense that what's next is going to be heavy. A good album intro I think. 7/10 again

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#15
Very awesome, I can't say much now because my girlfriend is gunna kill me if I dont get off the computer. I really liked the verse in Sea of lies. 7/10
#16
THANKS a bunch for the feedback everyone. Now, where do I begin? How about here:

Quote by British_Steal
Well this is a lot better than your first go. You kept the verse riff which is great. only 1 suggestion, instead of putting a rest at the end of the palm mute why don't you make it a gallop. too hard to explain. I'll put up file.

Anyway, I just feel like something is missing. I don't know what it is. I think you still haven't gone completely thrash and there's some kind of odd influence in there that's just not fitting. It could be that you just haven't found your voice yet. I dunno what it is. you've got some cool riffs going though

Anyway, finish this up and keep going. this is a lot better than your original one so congrats

thanks for the crit btw


--Heh, the crit was no problem, man. Ask me anytime

--Now, let's see. I just updated my GP5 to 5.2, mainly because you only gave me a 5.2 tab in that example file and I didn't have it, lol. I see what you mean by "gallop" (actually I was just reading about the technique in a magazine today, believe it or not). But if it's palm muted, is there really much a difference? You get the same sound either way, I think. Maybe not in a MIDI file, but certainly played live. Maybe I'm just naive to think that, but I don't really hear any physical difference other than in the MIDI form. I'll switch it around to be like that anyway, it does make a little more sense, and does clean up the tab a little more. Thanks for the suggestion/ex.

--And I think the voice problem is what you're detecting, personally. I have a hard time picking and choosing what type of song I want to write, so it usually turns out having multiple different sub-genre's in one (like the hardcore to thrash mix of the previous version of Sea of Lies). I think I'm slowly getting the hang of the thrash thing though, as I write more and more riffs that fit into that sub-genre. There's always time for me to improve though, afterall, I've only been seriously playing since Jan. And I guess learning Music Theory might help me improve a LITTLE... but it's just so darn confusing to try and READ a TEN PAGE internet article trying to explain it. I learn by seeing/doing, reading was never really a strong point for me.

Okay, next.

Quote by Greymane
sea of lies is quite cool so far , you should finish it , i really like the bridge
although his brother in names by symphony x is way better ( sorry to say that , just listen to the song )like the intro of trsanquility .. well .. but its just an intro
nonethekess keep it up , cool stuff 8/10


--Yes, I definately intend to finish this song When, I dont know. As soon as I come up with another riff to take it from where I've left it.

--And I have no doubts that the Symphony X version is way better. I've heard it and it's pretty amazing. This song was only named "Sea of Lies" because those are the lyrics that came to my head. I'm not trying to 1-up Symphony X and make a better "Sea of Lies", that's just what happened to pop in my head that night when I got a buttload of inspiration to write lyrics.

--And yes, Tranquility is just an intro It'll probably be an album intro somewhere down the road, but for now my band's just gonna play it as a short opener to our gigs. :P

NEXT!

Quote by Friendly Stoat
Sea Of Lies was good, I liked the lyrics and the music flowed well. One thing I would suggest is making the use of powerchords more interesting, maybe some arpeggios or something. I'd also say maybe experimenting with different tunings may give you a heavier sound, but a lot of people would probably disagree with that. I'd try drop D to make those low E notes sound better personally. Personal peference I guess but as you've only been playing since January, it's really good. I agree with the others who said it sounded Metallica-ish, that's definetly something I thought as well. 7/10 for that one.

Tranquility is cool as well - it sounds pretty dark and evil, but gives a sense that what's next is going to be heavy. A good album intro I think. 7/10 again

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--Glad you liked the lyrics. Right now they're just lyrics though, I don't quite know how they're going to be sung, though I do have a general idea in my head, and I've tried to outline most of it.

--Thanks for the suggestions, and I might definately try some arpeggios, but the drop tuning's a no-no, lol. I rarely drop tune my guitar anymore, it's just personal preference. I'll put the whole thing down a half step, or maybe a whole step sometimes, but I like it un-dropped :P Dropped chords are easier to play though, since they only require one finger as opposed to two/three, but idk, I like my standards and half step downs, lol. Again, it's a personal preference, but thanks for the suggestion.

Wow, that was a bit of a novel. Thanks again everyone, and keep the feedback coming (especially people who haven't said anything yet )
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#17
dude, i think how the the first song builds up is really cool, and it makes a kinda dark mood. And its cool how the two songs fit together, I think i would have putted them together, but i'm no pro :P Anyway, this is something i probably would have listened to (and love) if it where recorded and all that ****...
#18
Thanks for taking a look-see, Stian. The two songs (if they ever make it to a fully-recorded album) are meant to come one after the other. Tranquility, the album intro. Sea of Lies, the opener, so to speak. And I'm no pro either I'm basically just writing what comes to my head, and every so often, something that (I think) is completely awesome pops into my head, so I tab it out. But isn't that what we all do as musicians?

EDIT: okay, trying this again... I've tried to upload an update like 5 times already but my internet jams up every time. So... an update is now present on this post (as you can see by looking down). Please take a look. I'm especially proud of the clean riff/solo that I came up with last night. Thanks!
Attachments:
Sea of Lies Amazing Update.zip
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Last edited by Skillet_Panhead at Sep 3, 2008,
#19
dude. that was sweet. you had some really awesome riffs in there, and everything fit together very nicely. some transitions didn't feel quite right. maybe some "long term" tempo changes (forgot the name....accelerando or something? ) but yeah, speed it up or slow it down gradually instead. I guess...
otherwise, there were only a couple things that bothered me. in the first solo, it sounds like there's two different parts and the first one doesn't really flow into the second that well, it sounds like it's just another solo starting and doesn't really work.
and I couldn't stand the lyrics. sorry. :/
acoustic part was amazing.


was this song metallica influenced?
...Nothing you've ever...
...Planned on ever turned out...
...The way you planned...


...You're still disappointing them...
#20
metallica/testament influenced, yes. Thanks for the crit. And the lyrics.. yeah, I don't write lyrics that well, to be honest. I just had an idea one night that seemed to fit the song, and went with it. And the first solo... I think I know what you mean, and I think I know how to fix that. I'm also not good with solo's so it's always a learning experience with me :P Thanks again
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