#1
when i was born, i was blissfully
unaware that i would be forced to play
on a scrabble board already covered in so many
"fuck me"s and "fuck you"s that i can't separate
the ones that started as simple "fuck"s from
the ones that had meaning before they were laid.
there's something inherently disturbing about
the idea that life is merely a game,
where success is decided not by the words
that come out of your mouth, but the letters you play.
it's not that i'm not entertained by the notion;
it's just that it seems like this game has decayed
into little more than a tiny pile
of lettered tiles
fucking themselves in the mirror,
refusing to disguise
their printed type
as something less austere
than the single stenciled fragments
of a hundred billion wholes.

I just want to sleep forever.


Last edited by Grovermans at Aug 27, 2008,
#2
Kyle.

Defintelly picked up from an opening which dragged through everything I dislike about you're writing, from your insistence to use pretentious language choices (chronology/time) and stuffy adjectives (puerile, warped, elegant, ah I'm drowning in this description sea), the rhtyhm picked up and the piece gathered some decent momentum towards a good enough payoff.

I still think you'd be a better writer if you were a bit more true to life, and less in awe of the poetry that's been written before you.

Good to see you up and about again, though.

Sig, if you have the time. Cheers.

Last edited by Jammydude44 at Aug 26, 2008,
#3
you're completely right.

i didn't notice how many unnecessary adjectives there were until you pointed it out.

I just want to sleep forever.


#5
i started with this part and added the rest after writing it. they didn't really fit together, and i knew that, but for some reason i didn't realize that the piece could stand on its own without all that intro shit.

I just want to sleep forever.