#2
pressure washer
Quote by bucktheduck

Call me troll, call me psychopath. In the end, I shall stand above you all as you drown in a pool of sex and filth. It will explode your corrupted bodies, and I will walk above the wreckage as a pure man.


Quote by DieGarbageMan

Haggard13 i are impressed
#4
be gentle but use a toothbrush to cleanse the colon.


someone said that, thats just FAIL.

that guy might have acutally had a problem though :\
#5
How did you find this?
I know what the post says but that's what everyone's thinking.

stick a hose in it. keep it fresh

#8
I hate toilet paper- I wipe my butt 100 times and there's always the little ones left behind

I feel dirty
Quote by innertom
So much down syndrome

remember UG Community? thought so.
#9
Quote by mikko_9119
I hate toilet paper- I wipe my butt 100 times and there's always the little ones left behind

I feel dirty

well one time i was really sick and i had extreme fast diarrhea and i literally **** my pants. it was explosive. it was like what the TS of teh yahoo thing said. i had a shower and stuff but at first i was disturbed.
#10
Quote by mikko_9119
I hate toilet paper- I wipe my butt 100 times and there's always the little ones left behind

I feel dirty


My daily schedule always has sh** before shower.
#12
i*y h*t.
Quote by FrenchyFungus
Hey y'all!!! Me and my friend were over at her house. I we were wonder what guys think when they see a hot girl at the mall or whatever walk by. (We're both pretty as y'all would say "blonde" sometimes).


Quote by rabidguitarist
I just look like some homo.
#13
Quote by pwrmax
My daily schedule always has sh** before shower.

spread the cheeks too eh?
Quote by innertom
So much down syndrome

remember UG Community? thought so.
#17
copy and pasted from the best of section on craigslist:


ass cleaning tips


Date: 2008-07-15, 11:51AM EDT


Ass cleaning tips


I have mastered the art of cleaning my stool hall and I want to share it with you losers who simply lather your wash cloth with some soap and do a quick reach around..THAT WILL NOT CLEAN YOUR ASS!!!! You need to spend at least 5 minutes in that area to have maximun cleanage. How would you feel if you were a girl/guy and while you were licking some guys sausage you get a nice whiff of some anal grease and dingleberries from a soft textured turd that required about 12 wipes in the public restroom? You think it's clean but it is NOT!!! Here are some tips:

Tip 1: After dropping the fecal children off at the pool, you can either use some babywipes (my personal favorite) or you can use a technique I learned from an ex-girlfriend of mine, you wet the toilet paper and proceed to wipe front-to-back, NOT back-to-front. You risk sliding some of the grease beneath your ball sack which creates another problem. This only applies to those who do not get what is called a perfect excrement session aka.."A Clean Break" to where the ca-ca breaks off completely and all you have to do is wipe the water off your gluteus after the initial plop.

Tip 2: Shave the hair off around your rectal, nuts and butt crack. This is just common knowledge, if you dont you risk piling up a weeks worth of dingleberries and in rare occasions, creation of **** dreadlocks to where the ca-ca firmly laminates itself to the ass hair and it twists together as you walk. This is more likely to happen to those who wear boxers because of the free "airflow" and those who dont shower often because you give the poop time to dry up like cement.

Tip 3: Jump into a public pool or spa. This is just as effective as a shower or even better because you get maximum "soakage" and it requires less work such and combats lazy reach arounds in the shower. Believe it or not, that is the only useful purpose for public pools, I think of them as gigantic bathtubs that goggle up loose ass hairs, dingleberries and makes a great place to take a quick pee. If I find myself in that situation, I just jump in the pool on one end, pee then swim to the other end, do a couple quick 360's under water then jump out the shallow side and dry off.

Tip 4: Go to the beach and be a good samaritan, jump into the ocean and "feed the fish", fish LOVE dung, I have 2 goldfish and they are always sucking eachothers doo-doo holes. Get a nice, salty ass treatment. For those of you who gets bumps after shaving your pubes or ass, this is a great to dry those up. Just simply go out past the waves a bit, however, dont be too obvious if you are going to release some bait into the ocean. Flop around a bit, move around because if you sit still people will become suspicious and besides the poop might float up to the surface quickly. Fish will love you for it!

Tip 5: Woman love to get manicures and pedicures, I call this the "assicure" It has a meaningful name Ass I Cure, it's self explanitory..yes, it is up to you to cure that hideous ass smell and here is how you do it in the shower. Pamper yourself, get the water luke warm and try to get the shower nozzle to propel the water quickly. Begin by turning in the opposite direction of the shower, about 180 degrees to where the nozzle in shooting directly down your ass crack. Position yourself at a 90 degree angle, butt up nice and high, reach around and spread your butt cheeks and let the water do its magic. The object is to really clean out the crevices of your brown eye, wedged up about a 1/4 inch of the butthole is some fecal matter that masks itself like a bat in a cave. This will allow the water to loosen it up for the wash cloth lathering. The next step is to lather your wash cloth with some bodywash or soap bar. Reach around and scrub it good, go ahead and wrap the towel around a finger of choice (i use my middle finger) and put that finger up your asshole and move it around in a circular motion. Go ahead and scrub nice and good up the butt crack to make sure you get all the grease. After you are done, rinse well then repeat step 1.

ADDITIONAL NOTE: Putting your finger in your ass doesnt make you gay, it might burn a bit. For those guys who insist on having anal sex with their girlfriends all the time, if you think one finger hurts, go ahead and use two fingers and see how it feels. It feels like a massive **** you take in the morning after a night of drinking and eating the 4 slices of jalepeno pepper pizza.

That is all for now party people, hope this hass been insightful. I would love some feedback from possible success stories.

Please read some of them now.

" I would like to thank you for your ass cleaning tips, it has changed my life. My g/f is giving me head all day and night"

"Wow, my ass has never been cleaner. I feel more confident and got my dream job"

"I love to feed the fish, thanks Rick...my ass used to be filled with pimples and anal grease but now my ass is as smooth as a babies bottom, I feel like a kid again, thanks"

" I used to mask my ass smell with cologne and other junk, I have tried so many other techniques but yours is by far the best. I am now engaged to a playboy model"

Siskel & Roeper give it "Two middle fingers up"

P.S. I AM OFFERING FREE SERVICE TO LADIES WHO WANT TO GIVE ME HEAD JUST TO SEE HOW A PROFESSIONAL COLON CLEANSING SHOULD BE LIKE


* Location: anal
* it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests

PostingID: 755891987

original URL : http://www.craigslist.org/about/best/htf/755891987.html
"A guitar is the human soul, speaking with just six strings..."- Eddie Lee

Irvine Kinneas of the Final Fantasy Elite - PM me, Ichikurosaki, Gallagher2006, or Deliriumbassist to join!
#18
that is pure win there.

Hilarious and informative.
BOOM-SHAKALAKALAKA-BOOM-SHAKALAKUNGA
#21
wow that sh*t was hilarious. +1 for that guy
Quote by Marshmelllow
graphs. graphs always work. my old work place had an awesome printer, so i was constantly making graphs.

that was until i made a graph of how much my boss pissed me off. but seriously dude, graphs.
#22
Can you imagine what someone who does anal's ass crack smells like?

I never thought about it before, but that's all I could keep thinking....

yuk.
#24
Quote by convictionless
THATS WHAT I DO.
im not kidding either.


Ummmm. So do I. Are we weird?
Quote by Zero-Hartman
Demoralising women is just one of the many services we provide here at UG
#25
Quote by snipelfritz
Don't ASK how I found this:


How did you find this?
Stand up and cheer if you like SimCity

Play Up Pompey, Pompey Play Up
THE WiLDHEARTS

Quote by goest
I'm going to take this opportunity to initiate my campaign to replace the phrase "Taking a shit" with "Busting a grumpy."
#27
I would have just said "carefully"
Quote by filthandfury
I only do that on MSN, and I get many complaints about it.

F&F will have cyber sex with you on MSN. He's a bit handsy though.


I have become..... METACARPI!!!!

I wish


Joeymaxx
#29
That Craigslist ad is awesome

Quote by convictionless
well one time i was really sick and i had extreme fast diarrhea and i literally **** my pants. it was explosive. it was like what the TS of teh yahoo thing said. i had a shower and stuff but at first i was disturbed.


That happened to me once, except I was trying to sleep and I kept farting and I thought they were just farts until I moved and realized I shit my bed
Quote by blackenedktulu
CFH82, I love you. I didn't laugh, but my god, I love you.

Quote by Zero-Hartman
Holy shit, that was epic. A mighty roar escapeth'd my mouth.

Quote by WyvernOmega
I saw a penis.

last.fm
#30
a gun
Quote by imdeth
Centorium you dick
I keep lookin behind me,You're amazing at this


Quote by Aerokizzombie
Dam,Cent, ur repeating man scares the shit out of me, its so true


Quote by CodChick
Omg Cent,Ive been havin nightmares because of u


Quote by MCMXCII
**** you man,I was just going to bed


I'm scary
#32
"you are still pooping, take time to finish and then wipe."

This is my signature. There are many like it but this one is MINE.