#1
Right, before you read this, I dont know HEAPS about bass, so some facts may be innacurate.

It was a warm sunny afternoon, and a girl by the name of Barbara was sitting in her bedroom reading a magazine on her bed when she heard a knock on the front door. No one else was home at the time so she got up and walked down the hall to see who it was.

“Hello, I’m Bill Shenkins from the local music store, are you Barbara?” the man at the door inquired.

“Uh yes I am… Why?” Barbara said uncertainly.

“Well I’m here to tell you that you won our yearly give away you entered last month!” he exclaimed brightly.

“Oh my god, really?” Barbara couldn’t believe it, she actually won the prize. “What did I win?” she asked

“Well, as we are a very successful company serving the town for over 50 years, we have decided to give you thirty thousand dollars worth of equipment for your musical instrument!” Bill said enthusiastically. “What instrument do you play, Barbara?”

“Bass guitar” replied Barbara

“Excellent.” Said the man mischievously

So later that day Barbara made her way down to the music store to pick out what she wanted, and the amount she had to spend, she could get anything she wanted in there.

Looking around, she decided she needed a new amp, and that none of the ones on sale seemed satisfying enough for her needs. Feeling a little disappointed, she asked the store person: “Do you have any other, more powerful amps, and speaker cabs?”

Looking unsure at what to say the clerk said “What do you mean more powerful?” he answered nervously.

“Like really powerful” said Barbara “like shake the roof off powerful” Barbara wanted to make herself heard, and wondered what the limits where to her desires.
Looking around suspiciously he said “Come with me…”

So he led her to a back room of sorts, which was more like a warehouse stacked to the heavens with all sorts of merchandise she had never dreamed possible. There were boxes and boxes upon guitars, amps, straps, accessories, stage gear, lighting and cables, just to name a few. On and on he lead her, right to the back of the warehouse-like back room until they stopped at the foot of a few tall crates with the words ‘Heavy’ upon the side.

“How tall is the ceiling in your home?” the clerk asked Barbara.

“Umm… I’m not really sure… I think the height of these crates?” she said thinking about it.

“Well, you have what, thirty grand to spend here right? And you want an amp to beat them all. I recommend the GZX9000 head, with this here speaker cab.” He pointed to the crate nearest them, and it was easily at least two metres high. “It has 12X16 inch speakers, and will blow the roof off any house.” He finished impressively.

Barbara was impressed, and the crate looked might huge compared to her standing in front of it. “I’ll take three of these then, and the amp you mentioned earlier? Do I have enough money?” She asked.

“Well yes, but only just” said the man calculating the cost “You’ll have $30 change” he finished. “Now this equipment is purely experimental, so don’t over use it. It hasn’t been approved yet.” He added

“Oh cool” said Barbara “I can get a new strap then!” she said not hearing the last part.


Later that day, after all the delivery people had gone away, Barbara stood in her now extremely crowded room, looking up at the mass of black speakers that covered two of the walls in her room. She could no longer see outside her window, and has to move her desk into the hall way. She was very much glad her mum had not returned from shopping and that her dad was at work. Her sister wouldn’t be home for another couple of hours, and having a day off school made Barbara feel free, that sunny day.

Extension cords, double adapters and other cables were strewn all across her bedroom floor and in the hallway, as the power needed was immense and she didn’t want to waste thirty thousand dollars on amps that couldn’t be used properly.
The amp head (which was sitting on her bed because it had no other place to go) was apparently twenty-five thousand watts, and each of the thirty-six sixteen inch speakers she had was more than enough for what she had. Feeling rather brave, she very nervously plugged in the lead into the input jack of the amp, and did the same on her bass. Making sure everything was plugged in, she turned on the power to all the power points in her room and outside, so that all the cabs could be juiced and ready to go.

Now she was ready. Closing her eyes and bracing herself for impact she flicked the on switch on the amp. Nothing happened except for a faint pop, as electricity hummed through all the speakers and amp. Now picking up her bass, Barbara was very sure not to touch the strings or cable. While holding her bass carefully as though it were an endangered species, she turned the volume up on the amp head to seven.


She stood carefully and braced herself with the backs of her legs against her bed and struck an open E. It was almost as if time had stopped still in that small room for a second and a faint roar raged for barely a millisecond then a deep whooshing boom, so loud and forceful that it send Barbara across the room so that she was flat against the wall on her bed, wind forcing her brown hear forcefully against her face and wall. The booming whoosh was still ringing and in the back of her mind Barbara knew that it had to stop or surely her head would implode.


Slowly and painstakingly she raised her hand up and with great strength and effort she managed to get her hand up to the neck of her bass and rested it against the strings to stop the god-like sound from destroying her home, and sanity. The harmonic that ensued was less forceful and not as loud as the gargantuan sound that was emitted before, and Barbara was able to stand of her own accord now, but the note was still ringing no matter what she did to try and stop it.

The thought of turning off the power occurred to her just then but no. I must go on, she thought to herself. Standing on her bed again, and grabbing the earmuffs she bought as a precaution, she braced herself against the wall this time, in a pose that would prevent her from being sent into the drywall behind her.

Again she struck notes, more sure and prepared than last time, and the wind had returned and it was as if a tropical storm had brewed inside her bedroom, but without the oncoming rain. The noise was enough to rattle every bone in her body, and deep enough to send waves through the Richter Scale. Again stopping to catch breath, she though of a song she should play. Nothing came to mind, and just as she thought she couldn’t think of anything, Higher Ground by the Red Hot Chilli Peppers came forth, fresh in her mind, as she had only learnt it the previous week.
She braced herself once again and begin to play.


The introduction alone was enough to send foreign animals crazy, the slaps involved sent shocks through Barbara’s soul, and she was sure the house would become unstable because of it. But still onwards she kept playing, unsure if she was doing it right, because the earmuffs provided some protection from the decibels, but she had lost hearing a long time ago. A faint roar was heard through the wind as she played the song incessantly.

A window shattered noiselessly in her bedroom, cracks appeared in the walls, posters flew off long ago, leaving spots of blu-tack left behind. Even these spot of blu-tack were flattening out against the sheer force of the sound, not unlike someone pouring pancake mix into a frying pan.

Anyone outside would think there was an apocalypse, or earthquake, but Barbara knew better, in her room playing Higher Ground still, barely conscious of the fact that she was still playing at all.

Slowly the foundations of the house were shifting and cracking underfoot. The whole home was shaking, and was ready to fly at any moment, objects and trinkets flying pell-mell all over the living room, smashing against the floor, then pieces of it hovering across the surface because of the ever lasting boom that came from Barbara’s room.

Barbara thought she was going to die, and had her eyes closed against the forceful wind, and she madly thought of goggles. Her thought was cut short as her bass simply exploded into a thousand tiny shards, in her hands, broken strings flailing wildly around, and everything seemed slow motion to her as her bass pieces flew threw the air, shielding her eyes she stooped to avoid splinters.


The roaring boom had stopped and was now replaced with a loud hum, and Barbara stood up, hands above her head expecting the roof to collapse. The roof had not collapsed and she was alive. Her hearing was shot, and would most likely recover in a few days time, but she couldn’t help but feel a pure sense of power at what she had done, and standing there, holding the remains of the headstock of her bass, she laughed mercilessly at the sheer wicked power in her bedroom. Great things were afoot now, and just as she thought this, the power went out, and she was plunged into darkness, still laughing to herself. Car alarms beeped and went off in the distance, and Barbara knew not that they were emitting such sounds, because she was hungry for more, but she needed a new bass…

The End.
Quote by MoshPitRock
ANIMALS LIE DOWN.
that's just what they do.
there's probably humans doing the same thing.
quit being so paranoid.


#2
....I don't get it
Quote by Skwisgar
The trip would reach its climax when you came across a character filling a pool via fapping and attempting to drown innocent people in it


Quote by Diet_coke_head
I ran up and started screaming rape because I knew she would never cheat on me.
#4
Pst*...I bet the twist is shes gay
Quote by Skwisgar
The trip would reach its climax when you came across a character filling a pool via fapping and attempting to drown innocent people in it


Quote by Diet_coke_head
I ran up and started screaming rape because I knew she would never cheat on me.
#5
indeed you know nothing about basses..... basses dont just explode :P

good story anyway =)
Quote by Moggan13
Serjem is like a Bishops testicals: Swollen
ಠ_ಠ
IIIIfb * KARKOLI * ytIIII(mostly rock... a little funky, a little hard just the way you want it )
#6
thats nice....
Originally Posted by smb
I'm an arrogant bastard - I thought I was good before I'd plucked a note. I was right, of course.

Quote by MetalBass 77
sonsie knows all
#7
If that were true.....................................................................AWESOME!! but not true =( that's kinda like my dream except for guitar and yeah that that would be cool lol
#8
Might want to respell check that as well. Several misspellings were a pain to get through. I still don't get it either. Interesting story to say the least
#9
I spend 10 minutes reading that, and that is the punchline you give me?
Quote by guitarhero_764
I think you need to stop caring what people think about it. I stayed home all day today and masturbated like 5 times. Fucking blast.

Ibanez ATK300 ◈ Sansamp VT Bass ◈ EHX Nano Small Stone ◈ Hartke LH500 ◈ Ashdown/Celestion 115
#10
Please tell me there's something hidden in there... that I just ignored or didn't understand... That can't be it... What a waste.
Gear:
Schecter 006 Elite
Dean VX
Some Memphis 3/4th Strat copy
Peavey Vypyr Tube 60w
#11
Quote by Edwards
Might want to respell check that as well. Several misspellings were a pain to get through. I still don't get it either. Interesting story to say the least


I should think not, as I typed this out with MSword 2007 and there were no red lines apart from the names.

But thanks anyways! I hoped you guys would like it


EDIT: Ah dw, I see what you mean.
Quote by MoshPitRock
ANIMALS LIE DOWN.
that's just what they do.
there's probably humans doing the same thing.
quit being so paranoid.


#12
so wait

wat was the purpose of this thread?
Originally Posted by smb
I'm an arrogant bastard - I thought I was good before I'd plucked a note. I was right, of course.

Quote by MetalBass 77
sonsie knows all
#13
Why did you wate your time may I sak?
Quote by guitarhero_764
I think you need to stop caring what people think about it. I stayed home all day today and masturbated like 5 times. Fucking blast.

Ibanez ATK300 ◈ Sansamp VT Bass ◈ EHX Nano Small Stone ◈ Hartke LH500 ◈ Ashdown/Celestion 115
#15
OMFGOSHH

She shud so lyk tune dwn 2 a low f#, i bet dat wud giv her an organsm

Gear:
Fender Standard Jazz Bass
Artec Matrix Pedal Tuner
BBE Optostomp
Boss GEB 7
EHX NYC Big Muff
Ashdown MAG C410T-300
Torque T100BX
GAS-ing for:
Boss SYB5
Behringer Intelligate IG9
#16
Lovely Story...

now go play some scales.
"Whats that noise??"

"... Jazz"