#2
Well parts of it seem a little rough, some polishing might due. However it is heavy and hits pretty hard.
If I were going to change anything other than the rough spots with timing it would be your tone. Honestly I am not the biggest fan of the type of distortion you used. Perhaps something a little more 'fuzzy' would suit this better? It will also cover up some of the timeing issues if you do it right .

-Ryan