New Song I'm writing.

Need Help with it plz

Verse 1:

Death Likes White Silence
Black Night and the pouring rain.
The Blood-stained Knive
The Agonizing Pain.


As The Blade Slashes Away Your Life
Your Soul Drowned In Blood
Your Body Fallen
...And Hell Is Waiting.

Chorus: (Not too sure about this part)

Internally Insane.....
Internal Insanity.....

I could do with help

The Storyline is 'Lust For Blood'
anything thats about that is appropriate

Just so you know:
The Chorus is describing the Killer
idk it seems like you just threw in some "cool" sounding murder/death lines.
it doesn't seem like there's much personal meaning and if your trying to take the "mind of the killer" approach then there wasn't enough insight.
just reiteration of a "inside crazy."
Um yeah I agree with the person above me but it was kinda hard to read because the first letter in every word is in caps and its kinda anoying
This works for almost any situation....

Quote by PaulyVengeance
Punch it. Punch it until it goes away.
Ok..... ummm........ This is my 2nd try at writing lyrics and I guess I'll get some experience.

I was really nervous about using the chorus bit and It didn't pay off.

Oh well :/

But...... I stayed for an extra 6 hours trying to make a good decent set of lyrics and I sort of Shouldn't have bothered
well everyone starts somewhere dude
i started with plain and simple blink-182 lyrics haha
it progresses with your music just try to find more personal issues, thoughts, or things you can relate to to write about, and that'll make it a little more natural and flowing.
personal experience always helps me out anyways.
oh yeah get some wire cutters lol
your bc rich's head looks like it exploded
cut the strings!
well when i wrote lyrics mine where about my life like what stuff meant to me
Past life troubles.
Now i don't know if you've killed anyone b4
But the lyrics are alrite
But like my lyrics they would go unseen to cos we have no singer.....unless you can sing lol
They made me do push ups in drag

I'm gonna have a really hard time if we're both cannibals and racists.

Don't dress as a whore, he'll thump you.

I'm a firework, primed to go off