#1
First of all: hey there my UG friends ! I'm back from vacations ^^

Unfortunately, I'm also under a strong criative hiatus, so I had this idea of revealing the translation of some pieces I wrote in portuguese in the beginning of this year. This means it'll probably won't rhyme nor flow, but it's just for fun. And so it starts now. C4C (leave link)


Your arrogance is too much for my tolerance,
and you have no idea of what I can bare;
because at times, you seem to embrace ignorance,
and that idea is too much for me to deal with.
Your giant ego must always put you in the core,
and what’s important is the unseen: your insides;
but you're mechanic, shallow,
in a society where such is considered banal.

And you try to run, but the world leaches.
There is no loophole, no vanishing point.
And if we, Man, are the cause of this confusion,
wouldn’t it be better if wars lead to our extinction?

Don’t take this idea to its false side,
what I least desire is your death.
It’s just that something important was taken away from me
and I can’t define if it was luck or misfortune.
Well, I already gave up being guided by passion;
all those weak feelings thrown to the floor.
Please, stop worshipping love;
you’ll end up welcoming suffering and pain,

And I try to run; they’ll never leach me!
There are too many reasons to stop fighting!
Because we, Men, only fight for fake interests;
we’ll end up either with the power or barefoot.

We will run to a place where consequences shall not be feared;
we will run so that our mind shall not be constantly betrayed.
Do not follow the illusions they shove on our face.
Illusions lead to wounds, wounds that hurt and don’t heal.

Solo

May time impede a bigger apathy,
and may the present apathy only feed
the fervour of a new dawn’s wish;
because the actual air doesn’t stop smothering.
Do you see where thinking about you leads?
This is exactly how you make me feel.
This is rebellion; fists in the air are seen.
May our shout be nuclear bomb!

And man run but there’s no return,
and it’s too late for a contour to be verified.
Finally they lost control of the situation:
the vanishing point took to a revolution.

We will run to a place where consequences shall not be feared;
we will run so that our mind shall not be constantly betrayed.
Do not follow the illusions they shove on our face.
Illusions lead to wounds, wounds that hurt and don’t heal.
Last edited by seventh_angel at Aug 28, 2008,
#2
Quote by seventh_angel
First of all: hey there my UG friends ! I'm back from vacations ^^

Unfortunately, I'm also under a strong criative hiatus, so I had this idea of revealing the translation of some pieces I wrote in portuguese in the beginning of this year. This means it'll probably won't rhyme nor flow, but it's just for fun. And so it starts now. C4C (leave link)


Your arrogance is too much for my tolerance,
and you have no idea of what I can bare;
because at times, you seem to embrace ignorance,
and that idea is too much for me to deal with.
Your giant ego must always put you in the core,
and what’s important is the unseen: your insides;
but your (you're?)mechanic, shallow,
in a society where such is considered banal.
i'll ignore rhyme and flow and just go with content. i thought the first line was a good platform, but the second was weak and made me worry the whole thing was going to descend into a three and a half minute whinge... with a kick ass solo. by the end of the verse i'm still a little unsure, i think the "you have no idea of what I can bare" line casts a shadow over the rest of the verse, and without it the same words later would give a different impression.

And you try to run, but the world leaches.
There is no loophole, no vanishing point.
And if we, Man, are the cause of this confusion,
wouldn’t it be better if wars lead to our extinction?
not so sure about "you try to run" but the rest of this was ok. i would have had a go at the extinction line but i like the way it leads into the next verse so i'll leave it alone.

Don’t take this idea to its false side,
what I least desire is your death.
It’s just that something important was taken away from me
and I can’t define if it was luck or misfortune.
Well, I already gave up being guided by passion;
all those weak feelings thrown to the floor.
Please, stop worshipping love;
you’ll end up welcoming suffering and pain,
this started so well but the last line is just too cliche, maybe even the last two. the first five were great though. i like the how the sense of confusion is put across.

And I try to run; they’ll never leach me!
There are too many reasons to stop fighting!
Because we, Men, only fight for fake interests;
we’ll end up either with the power or barefoot.
this is ok, you've switched who is trying to run which might excuse the first one. but i dont think we only fight for fake interests, it sounds good but i dont think it holds up when you think about it. power or barefoot is nice.

We will run to a place where consequences shall not be feared;
we will run so that our mind shall not be constantly betrayed.
Do not follow the illusions they shove on our face.
Illusions lead to wounds, wounds that hurt and don’t heal.
liked this a lot.

Solo

May time impede a bigger apathy,
and may the present apathy only feed
the fervour of a new dawn’s wish;
because the actual air doesn’t stop smothering.
Do you see where thinking about you leads?
This is exactly how you make me feel.
This is rebellion; fists in the air are seen.
May our shout be nuclear bomb!
once again i think the last line lets you down here. still this section stands out as the best part of the whole thing. and it flows too.

And man run but there’s no return,
and it’s too late for a contour to be verified.
Finally they lost control of the situation:
the vanishing point took to a revolution.

We will run to a place where consequences shall not be feared;
we will run so that our mind shall not be constantly betrayed.
Do not follow the illusions they shove on our face.
Illusions lead to wounds, wounds that hurt and don’t heal.
ok so finally i'll stop complaining about trying to run, as i like the first line, well all four actually. this was a nice way to end it.


this wasn't exactly a new topic but baring a few points i thought it was done well. thanks for the very prompt crit on mine. i think it had only been up for about a minute.