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#1
Hello UG. I know the pit isn't the best place to get a mature response but you guys have helped me in the past so I figure you might be able to in some way again.
Especially any young fathers out there.

I am 18 years old and just hours ago read the positive pregnancy test to my 19 year old girlfriend of only 3 months. I will be a father this time next year. We are pretty certain that we are keeping it and she said she'd like to get married.

I graduated high school in June. I am not in college and am unemployed as of 3 weeks ago. I am currently looking for jobs wherever I can find them but the market is tough here. All I have going is an interview at Wendy's today :/

I hoped to one day be a firefighter but fire school is going to cost me about $2,000 and I have no money. I am not sure what to do career wise since I know I need to support a family and I need money very soon, not in 4 years.

Also, I'm not sure how to tell my family. My parents are very good parents and will ultimately support us but they are rather conservative and will be a bit bitter at me. Also, I'm the 4th of 5 children and I'm going to be the 1st to have a kid, even though the older ones are 32, 27, and 20... so that kinda feels strange as well.

And before you tell me I should've been more careful, believe me, lesson learned. Of course that dosen't solve my problem.

And to all the other guys out there: BE MORE CAREFUL THAN I WAS.

So really I am asking for any advice or knowledge any one has to offer on any of this.

Thanks guys.


EDIT:
I AM NOT GOING TO KILL MY UNBORN CHILD.
And we're not really considering adoption either.
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Last edited by beastiebeatles at Aug 29, 2008,
#2
Abortion.
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#3
Quote by Wulphy
Abortion.


Shut up and read the original post...

I know how you feel sort of. When I was still with my ex, there was a month where we were convinced she was pregnant. Scariest time of my life considering I was 15 at the time. Thankfully that turned out to be false.

Obviously though, you have to tell your parents eventually, no matter how badly you think they will react. I can't really give you any advice on finding a job since I too am job hunting rather unsuccessfully, although for much different reasons obviously. I'm not sure what things are like in the US (which is where I assume you are from since you gave mention to that awful thing that is Wendys) but in the UK there are family planning clinics that help people in your situation. Is there a chance you could find one of those in America?
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Last edited by IDread at Aug 29, 2008,
#4
I'm tempted to just say 'RUN' and leave it at that, but it's pretty serious, so good luck I guess. Honestly though, just make sure you're completely, 100% on board with raising a child at your age, because two unemployed kids bringing another kid into the world is all too often a story that doesn't end well.

If you're dedicated to what you want to do, then you need to plan for the future properly, and that means getting and holding a job, and saving for fire school, or college, or whatever you want to do in the long term. Other than that, best of luck to you both.
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#5
abortion and quit ****in

or atleast wrap your tool

edit, i did read the whole thing, really, it sounds liek you cant afford it so dfont do it, if you do, thats one more person on welfare to bring our country into another depression
#6
Get an abortion. You said you don't have enough money for fire fighting school, you obviously aren't going to be able to support a baby without taking money from good taxpayers such as myself.
#7
Work your balls off the get the money for fire school, it won't be pleasant, but trust me it will all pay off when the kid's older, save all the money you can get because you've got a much bigger responsibility now.

You don't want to be working in Wendy's all your life.
Quote by Wulphy
Abortion.

08'er
Quote by murshell
abortion and quit ****in

or atleast wrap your tool

08'er
Quote by GerGuam
Get an abortion. You said you don't have enough money for fire fighting school, you obviously aren't going to be able to support a baby without taking money from good taxpayers such as myself.

08'er... there seems to be a pattern forming.

Ignore them and just stay focused.
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Last edited by kidsilcon at Aug 29, 2008,
#8
pretty ****ty situation.....and i can['t think of anything off the top of my head but don't give up! and if you can, try going for a higher paying job since you'll need to support a family. hope you become that fireman!
#9
Quote by IDread
Shut up and read...


I did read it.

Fine, you want my answer? TS:

Your life is over. Have fun raising a kid because your girlfriend was too pro-life to have an abortion like normal people.

Happy?
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#10
Don't worry, it's all easy.
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#11
Quote by Wulphy
Abortion.


Yeah - good answer kill his son or daughter - idiot. It aint that easy

neway - ts. good for you sticking by her - not many people do the right thing and its cool that you are. i think the best thing to do is think of it like this - you can be a firefighter, but you dont have to do it right away. you have an entire life ahead of you - for now i think what you need to do is get a job doing whatever you can, and try and advance yourself through that. put away as much money as you can, so then you can do the ff school thing later.

o, and ultimately - even if they're mad, the fact that they will be grandparents will bring them round soon enough. just be straight with them.

hope all goes well in the end
#12
As you are in the US, I can't help with the benefits side of things...

Just be there for your girl. Support her and your child. Be the best father you can/ Understand that if you've been at work all day, and she's been looking after the kid, that you've had it easier.

Be straight with you rents, tell them straight out, they may be pissed, but they'll calm down eventually. They'll help you out.

And one last thing: If you turn in to a wanker, ditch the kid on your girl and carry on with your life as if they don't exist, I will kill you.
#13
always use a cond....

sorry, too late .

no, but seriously, you will manage this. you need to speak to your parents obviously. see if they can help fund you to become a fireman (you have to pay to train for this? really?); it'd be better than you being stuck in something dead end. remember that though it will be hard, you will have a child and you will love that child and it will be amazing in its way. things aren't perfect, but we have to make what we can of life. if you and your girlfriend are determined to keep it, then do so and try to make things as good as possible.
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#14
First off, there's tons of money out there in the system, waiting to be used. There are special loans set aside specifically for individuals in your position. All you need do is apply, and BAM, there's money for college.

As well, you can always put the kid up for adoption.
#15
Quote by Wulphy
I did read it.

Fine, you want my answer? TS:

Your life is over. Have fun raising a kid because your girlfriend was too pro-life to have an abortion like normal people.

Happy?

Define normal.

Also, while the baby's in her tummy, put some headphones on her stomach and play some classical music so that he ends up smart and doesn't make the same decisions you did.
#16
dude...if abortion is not an option, give the baby up for adoption. you won't be able to give the child the life it deserves. and do not get married. 3 month long relationship? if she gets mad, whatever, you have to look out for your future bro. and besides, if you give the baby up for adoption, it's a win win (well except for your g/f's vagina). and if you keep the baby , seriously dude, don't get married.
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#17
Quote by Wulphy
Abortion.


Im not being harsh but I agree with this guy. Try to get into college or get that firefighters course, you dont want to raise a kid without a decent job, it's hard enough these days as it is.

If you were not responsible enough to use protection are you sure your responsible enough to raise a child? do you want to be on benifits?

This is the problem in my country at the moment.
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#18
I'm a 20-year-old father and it's really not that hard. There is tons of government assistance like Wic and medicaid that will help you out.

Caring for a child really isn't that hard either. TBH I resented my son a little a first because he made me grow up but now I love him with all my heart.

The only thing that really concerns me is that you have only known each other for three months. Remember to take your relationship slow and not leap into marriage.

I know it seems very scary but I've been through exactly what you're going through and if you love this girl you will love your child and not regret it all.
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#20
Even if you want to keep it, abortion.

You could give a better future to your child with a firefighter job than a Wendy's cook.
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#21
Get loans to pay for fireman school. Paying back $2,000 won't be difficult at all once you have a career.

And by career, I don't mean Wendy's.
#22
If you have have an argument with your gf, do NOT do it infront of the baby, can cause problems. Try and come to terms with the fact that you have a baby and you want it. Dont show any resentment because the child will see it.

The best thing you can do at the moment is to try and make it work with your girlfriend and take the relationship very seriously if you keep the child, you need to stay together and be good to each other for the babies sake. He needs to be born in to a loving environment.

Dont worry about your parents, they are not what you need to be concentrating on right now, but that doesnt mean to not tell them
#23
Quote by ZachisSuperCool
I'm a 20-year-old father and it's really not that hard. There is tons of government assistance like Wic and medicaid that will help you out.

Caring for a child really isn't that hard either. TBH I resented my son a little a first because he made me grow up but now I love him with all my heart.

The only thing that really concerns me is that you have only known each other for three months. Remember to take your relationship slow and not leap into marriage.

I know it seems very scary but I've been through exactly what you're going through and if you love this girl you will love your child and not regret it all.

yea but do you realize how much a drain you are on the economy? you're the reason why i get so much taken out of my paycheck on taxes. seriously? raising a child is easy? wait a few year till they can talk back and do things for themselves.
the arsonist had oddly shaped feet...
#24
i just re read that thing

i stick with my original advice, but i have further words of dubious wisdom.

dnt get married just yet.

1. it costs a lot of money you dont have.

2. it doesn't actually solve any issues - it just means you are legally a couple, which is lovely and everything, but will make things more difficult - you can be just as functional as 2 singletons or a partned couple as you can as a married couple. a shotgun marraige usually just makes people feel trapped.

3. it may be that being together doesn't end up being the best thing for you - you've not said how long you've been together. but you shouldn't rush into a commintment like that just because your girlfriend thinks you should be married when she has a baby. life dusn't always work the way it shud
#26
Quote by stackedxactor
yea but do you realize how much a drain you are on the economy? you're the reason why i get so much taken out of my paycheck on taxes. seriously? raising a child is easy? wait a few year till they can talk back and do things for themselves.


You're an idiot. everything you've just posted proves this.
#27
"First off, there's tons of money out there in the system, waiting to be used. There are special loans set aside specifically for individuals in your position. All you need do is apply, and BAM, there's money for college. "

That's really good advice too, but also look man, it's your kid (you may want a paternity test) so just accept it. When you see it for the first time, I guarantee you, your whole mindset will change. Your life will change, believe it or not, probably for the better. This will motivate you to be responsible and provide for your family.

You dont have to give up on your dreams, just put them on hold. Put the future needs of your family on First. You dont go to school right? so get two jobs. Work your ass off. When you get on your feet, go for the fire fighting program. If you volunteer, training is free, and then you can transfer to a paid position when on opens (atleast thats how it works here.) All im saying is be optimistic. Dont fight it, just go with it and do your best. Your parents and your girl will respect you more, And one day you can tell your kid and make him/her appreciate the sacrifice you made for it. Its easy to give up, have an abortion or adopt. Be a man, dont take the easy way out.
#29
Quote by Wulphy
I did read it.

Fine, you want my answer? TS:

Your life is over. Have fun raising a kid because your girlfriend was too pro-life to have an abortion like normal people.

Happy?


You're a total moron.
#31
Quote by stackedxactor
yea but do you realize how much a drain you are on the economy? you're the reason why i get so much taken out of my paycheck on taxes. seriously? raising a child is easy? wait a few year till they can talk back and do things for themselves.

It's a shame your mother didn't get an abortion...

Seriously, people like you really annoy me.
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You'll Never Walk Alone
#32
If you got a job and did firefighter school, and your girl could pay to support the baby as much as she could, you could still have this as an option. It's all about the long term and not the short. You'd struggle, but become better as a person because of it.
#33
Why didn't you use protection?
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#34
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vote for obama

Sadly, I lol'd


I have to say TS though, congratulations. I'm sure this will no doubt change your life so much, but it'll be worth it. The first step is seeing your local careers office or adviser; I'm two years younger than you and I left school two months ago, went to my careers office and a month later I started working where I am now, a nice little IT company with some cool guys and I love it; I'm learning so much.
A career centre may seem a bit crap, but it's a step inthe right direction. Good luck with the baby man. Please, name it something like Oswald or Duran Duran.
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#35
Man, you are in a pretty bad situation. Honestly, I know you want to keep the child, but is that what's really best for him/her? I can also tell you now that working in Wendy's has absolutely no chance of being able to provide enough money to support 3 people, as I'm pretty sure your girlfriend will have to stay home to care for the child.

I in no way support abortion, so I'm all for your girlfriend having your baby, but if you're living off minimum wage, I'd suggest giving him to foster parents until you have a stable, well-paying job. Earn the money for fire school. It'll pay off, much more than working for Wendy's will in the long run.
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#36
Don't listen to some of these douche bags. You want a job, try a hospital. They are almost always hiring some kind of help and most have inhouse training to help you increase your education and make more money and it might help out with some stuff for fire, like EMT basics which will come in handy. Most will pay for college to some degree if not all of it, plus you get the health benefits. Or construction, usually pays well...

If you keep your baby, love it and be good to your girl through the whole pregnancy (marry if you want). You want to be a man right, not any of these pussies telling you to run know what being a man is so don't listen to their sorry asses.
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#38
Quote by saphrax
You're an idiot. everything you've just posted proves this.

w/e dude

i work hard for my money. we should all be getting a big thank you from that guy. we made it "easy" for him to raise his child. whom, might i add, is none of my responsibility. YOU'RE WELCOME!!!
the arsonist had oddly shaped feet...
#39
Well good for you for keeping it and not being a douche. If you get the job at Wendy's, I say use that money to pay for the Firefighter stuff... I don't know, maybe your parents will support you and help pay for the marriage...
#40
Quote by beastiebeatles


EDIT:
I AM NOT GOING TO KILL MY UNBORN CHILD.
And we're not really considering adoption either.


No, you can wait until it's born and starves to death. You idiot. What kind of quality of life is this kid going to have? And you want to get married after three months of going out with a girl, whats your quality of life going to be like?

The fact that within hours you come to a guitar forum for help also proves you aren't mature enough to raise a kid.
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