#1
OTS


Who's holding your fingernails just inches from your itch?
Your whispered lisp is incoherent,
holds the burn inches from my lips.
A gasp escapes; a gutted butterfly hones in on a flame,
I leak a sliver of your name and reveal
my voyeuristic tendencies.
You, me, your golden girl dreams,
your rich Ovaltine, and your stuttering speech.

This night will be an instant (cult) classic,
shelf it right between Jurassic Park and Driving Miss Daisy.
Maybe I'll save it for a sunny... Sunday?
If only it would rain and you'd come out and I'd come out
and we'd be dripping glycerine
and lasting for a while.
#2
Quickly: I liked it (especially for somethinf done 'on the spot' that's what that means, yeah? )except for:

'this night will be an instant (cult)classic'. I don't really like things like that, it's like you're dodging description by appealing to a fairly vague preconception/notion that we have. And I've never heard of driving miss daisy, but Jurassic park is hardly a cult classic. See, I don't know what makse a night a 'cult classic' so it doesn't seem to describe anything and if you're not describing the night, why's it there?

/opinion
On vacation from modding = don't pm me with your pish