#1
Okay...I use this one as an opener at concerts because of the intro.

Pardon the Southerny-ness of the second verse.


Valkyrie

Hey Valkyrie,
Fly on to the shining dawn
Fight Valkyrie
Until your strength is all gone
Self-Deception
That you'll live another day
Pre-Conception
Holds your fears at bay

Chorus
Look for your future in the light of a new day
Look forward to when all is cast away
Look ahead towards the light of a new day
Pray for the day when all is cast away


Hey Valkyrie,
Trade a sword for your kingdom
Hey Valkyrie
Trade a banquet for a crumb
Don't gotta be lonely
No need to stand against the wall
By yourself,
It ain't standing tall at all

ChorusX2
The Wheel of Time turns. What was may be again, and what is may yet pass...
#2
Reminds me of Studioforce, but better
Studies have shown that 92% of guitar players are close-minded. Copy this into your signature if you're part of the 8% who enjoy rap.
#3
Never heard of them, but I guess that's good. :P
The Wheel of Time turns. What was may be again, and what is may yet pass...
#5
Oh. Thanks. Then that is good, I like them.
The Wheel of Time turns. What was may be again, and what is may yet pass...
#7
Quote by Wolfsong
Okay...I use this one as an opener at concerts because of the intro.

Pardon the Southerny-ness of the second verse.


Valkyrie

Hey Valkyrie,
Fly on to the shining dawn
Fight Valkyrie
Until your strength is all gone
Self-Deception
That you'll live another day
Pre-Conception
Holds your fears at bay

This is a good opening verses but there a few slight mistakes that I noticed. You would be better ending the lines "Hey Valkyrie" and "Fight Valkyrie" and "Self Deception" and "Pre Conception" with this: ";" rather than a comma, as it stops the reader a little, and gives a sense of rhythm as it follows onto the next line. Other than that, I'd change the 4th line to "Until all your strength is gone" because it works better linguistically and rolls off the tongue better. All in all this is a very good opening, work on the things I've said and it could improve it quite a bit.

Chorus
Look for your future,
In the light of a new day.
Look forward to;
When all is cast away.
Look ahead;
Towards the light of a new day,
Pray for the day when all is cast away.

I'd first of all change your chorus to the structure I've put it into. It looks nicer like this, and it also works better, creating pauses in the lines rather than having 4 really long lines with no punctuation in them. Other than that it's a really strong chorus, it cotinues the theme from the first verse whilst putting it across in a different way. The use of internal rhyme in the last line takes a bit of time to get used to, but it is a very good technique to use.

Hey Valkyrie,
Trade a sword for your kingdom
Hey Valkyrie
Trade a banquet for a crumb
Don't gotta be lonely
No need to stand against the wall
By yourself,
It ain't standing tall at all

Not as strong as Verse 1, but I still like it. Although it does seem that the rhymes in here are slightly forced, whereas they seemd to work alot better in the previous verse. I'm talking about mainly the "Kingdom, Crumb" rhyme. Whilst the lines they are in have a mirrored theme, i.e. trading something in for something better, the rhyme doesn't work too well. There is a sense of loss developed in this verse, at least that's how I read it, which works well as a contrast to the hope and happiness that was portrayed in the opening verse. Again, the use of internal rhyme in the last line is a nice touch.

ChorusX2


I really enjoyed this piece, good work. The only real criticism of it I have is that it is quite short. Maybe work on adding another verse to it and then let me know how it turns out. I'd like to hear the music to this.

Thanks for looking at my piece, much appreciated.