This is HILARIOUS!!! Watch the fifth one first and I promise you'll laugh so hard you might crap yourself.

Cop: I want you to close your eyes and...
Drunk Guy: Why the hell I gotta close my eyes?! You close yo' muthaf*ckin eyes!
Why I Love Spanish Women

I'm hoping by "crack" you mean cleavage unless you have some kind of bizarre ass-chest.

Quote by Kensai
Dude, relax. Don't be so rape about things.