hey pit

I need to come up with a story about this pic for school .. fast. But I don't have any inspiration at all. And I know the pit has a master grade in stuf like this.

and to the people who are going to be like 'dude.. make your own homework' I'm just asking for some help


If you can make it into a horror story, that would be awesome. I could use some help too.
I'm sure you could involve all the Pit memes in this. The obvious "Russel, WHAT THE FUCK!"

Now take it from there .
UPS truck driver (on meth) was fapping furiously when he didn't realize that there was a sharp right turn ahead.

*he crashes*

*police come*

*guy in tux comes outside holding a sewing machine*

"hayy guuiiiseee let's play yahtzeeee"
Quote by denizenz
I'll logic you right in the thyroid.

Art & Lutherie
the fuzz are talking to a recent victim of the sex offender UPS truck, while they are preoccupied the truck is sneaking up on the best man from a recent wedding who got the sewing machine that the groom didnt want. the best man intends to put it on ebay so he can use the money go to the interstate and buy meth from truckers
I think we took too many drugs when we were kids,
'cause now we like to make
Weird Music
-Wayne Coyne
"Today in news, a UPS driver who doesn't know how to drive. He said that he was driving along getting ready to go to his cousins wedding when he noticed a rip in the back of his suit. He looked around and saw a sewing machine in the back of the van and proceeded to unpackage and begin to repair his suit. Driving with his feet, he curved off the road and into a park; soon after he swerved into a ditch. Police arrived at the scene moments later."
the ups truck is wanted for murder and he's hiding from the cops on the river bank. the guy with the sewing machine is his next victim. the guy in the tux is getin ready for prom and the sewing machine is the gift to his date

thats all i got. retarded? yes. Helpful? no.
that picture can be explained. the ups van crashed so the cops are talking to the drunk driver and the guy is going to his prom but had a rip in his trousers from jumping out of the way of the truck, so he uses the sowing machine that was a delivery on the truck to fix is trousers and thus makes the evening perfect

The dude in the tux fancies himself a regular James Bond, and he needed a sewing machine to fix a tear in his fancy suit of clothes. So, he decides to steal one from the shipment of sartorial equipment on that particular UPS truck. He makes his way in, ganks himself a sewing machine, and has a sick fistfight with the driver. He owns the Brown guy, causes the truck to crash into the river, and jumps clear with his hard-won prize. When the cops arrive, he blames it all on Mr. UPS Driver, using his MI6 credentials to ease his story along. Then he poses for a quick picture, and goes on his merry way with a newly-fixed tuxedo.

You'll get bonus points for using 'sartorial'.