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Friendly Stoat
Call me Sam.
Join date: Jan 2007
1,094 IQ
#1
Here's a finished version of a song that I posted the beginning of, a few days ago. I've put in roughly what I intend to do with vocals etc. Can anyone give me some opinions and maybe possible improvements?

I'll do C4C if anyone wants.
Thanks in advance!
Attachments:
Screamo2.zip
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Jarusafes
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Join date: Apr 2008
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#2
Sounds great. I'd definitely buy it if you recorded it with real instruments haha. I really loved the intro riff. You did a great job with the drums too. The only bad thing I could say about it is no singer. But thats not your fault lol. so anyway, C4C?
Friendly Stoat
Call me Sam.
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#3
Thanks mate I'm thinking about recording it and having a go at some vocals - if I learn to program decent sounding drums as well lol. i'll crit yours
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TeraBite
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#4
[return crit from paroxysm dreams]

that's pretty damn good

only things that i'm not keen on are the triplet bass drum in the clean bit, maybe have a much slower variable rhythm?

also, the b2's in the angry bit, but that's cos i don't particularly like screamo, they fit in well though.

i enjoyed this, but prob cos it's without the screaming

7/10
Its_Rock77
Anthony Green Fanboy <3
Join date: Jul 2007
1,501 IQ
#5
pretty cool, although most of your riffs seem a bit cliche. unfortunately, most songs sound this way to me. even my own.
but it was well put together. may I ask why the rhythm guitar is playing most of the leads?
...Nothing you've ever...
...Planned on ever turned out...
...The way you planned...


...You're still disappointing them...
Friendly Stoat
Call me Sam.
Join date: Jan 2007
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#6
Quote by TeraBite
[return crit from paroxysm dreams]

that's pretty damn good

only things that i'm not keen on are the triplet bass drum in the clean bit, maybe have a much slower variable rhythm?

also, the b2's in the angry bit, but that's cos i don't particularly like screamo, they fit in well though.

i enjoyed this, but prob cos it's without the screaming

7/10


Yeah I see what you mean about the triplets, I didn't really notice cos I can barely hear the bass drum on my computer cheers for the crit.

Quote by Its_Rock77
pretty cool, although most of your riffs seem a bit cliche. unfortunately, most songs sound this way to me. even my own.
but it was well put together. may I ask why the rhythm guitar is playing most of the leads?


Truthful answer? I'm an idiot and didn't concentrate when naming each track

Thanks for the crit - I'm like that with a lot of songs, I've scrapped quite a few good ones purely cos I always think I've heard them before! Happily I didn't with this one. Thanks man
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Its_Rock77
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#7
dude, second time through it sounded a lot better. There should have been a lot more positive feedback in my last crit.
...Nothing you've ever...
...Planned on ever turned out...
...The way you planned...


...You're still disappointing them...
Friendly Stoat
Call me Sam.
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#8
thanks mate.
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ShredderA7X
UG's Ninja
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#9
I bloody loved it. seriously. Immense.

I would like the song alot with a non screaming voice. I dont like screamo but I enjoyed this.

Well done
Friendly Stoat
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#10
Quote by ShredderA7X
I bloody loved it. seriously. Immense.

I would like the song alot with a non screaming voice. I dont like screamo but I enjoyed this.

Well done


Thanks mate I wanna do screaming in it a) because I love that kind of music, and b) it just seems right in my head, the way I'm imagining the finished version Cheers for the comments
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Skillet_Panhead
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#11
Ooookay. First off, thanks for the crit

Now. My opinion is that this song is GREAT! I'm personally not a big fan of screamo, and by screamo I mean guys just screaming their lungs out because they can (ex. underoath). But I DO like the sort of metalley screaming/growling that doesn't sound like they're screaming just cuz they can (ex. As I Lay Dying). So that being said, the screaming... is it going to be Underoath-style, or AILD-style?

Aside from that, I see no fault in the song itself. I started to wonder why the Rhythm track was playing most of the leads too, but it didn't bother me. One thing I thought was cool, was that you were always on the 1st fret for breakdowns, as opposed to open strings. That was a pretty cool touch because open string breakdowns are usually what you hear when you hear breakdowns. Not that they're bad, but I think that 1st-fret thing was a little out of the box. Nice touch.

Great song, and thanks again for the crit

btw, I liked the triplet drums in the clean part. It gave it a sorta uneasy feeling, with it being clean and all. Like the clean is nice and calm, but you have the drums back there chugging away, screaming "GET ME OUT!". Nice touch, keep it
Friendly Stoat
Call me Sam.
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#12
Quote by Skillet_Panhead
Ooookay. First off, thanks for the crit

Now. My opinion is that this song is GREAT! I'm personally not a big fan of screamo, and by screamo I mean guys just screaming their lungs out because they can (ex. underoath). But I DO like the sort of metalley screaming/growling that doesn't sound like they're screaming just cuz they can (ex. As I Lay Dying). So that being said, the screaming... is it going to be Underoath-style, or AILD-style?

Aside from that, I see no fault in the song itself. I started to wonder why the Rhythm track was playing most of the leads too, but it didn't bother me. One thing I thought was cool, was that you were always on the 1st fret for breakdowns, as opposed to open strings. That was a pretty cool touch because open string breakdowns are usually what you hear when you hear breakdowns. Not that they're bad, but I think that 1st-fret thing was a little out of the box. Nice touch.

Great song, and thanks again for the crit

btw, I liked the triplet drums in the clean part. It gave it a sorta uneasy feeling, with it being clean and all. Like the clean is nice and calm, but you have the drums back there chugging away, screaming "GET ME OUT!". Nice touch, keep it


Thanks! I like both types of screamo that you mentioned, I know exactly what you mean. I think it's gonna be more Underoath style for the intro, but in the heavy bits more AILD-style, because it sounds far more aggressive IMO. And yeah, I wasn't sure whether to keep the triplet drums or not because I thought the same as you Cheers for the crit!
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Slaytanic1993
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#13
You'd be surprised that I actually do listen to stuff like this, wouldn't you ?

I really liked it, very melodic kickass intro. The chorus and prechorus were two of my favorite parts. The only really criticism I have is make the breakdown a bit more than just the usual triplets and dissonant chording.

The ending was a bit of a dissapointment as well, but all in all the song was very cool. 8.9/10. If it wasn't for that outro...
R.I.P. Charles Michael "Evil Chuck" Schuldiner
B. May 13 1967 - D. December 13 2001

Quote by eggsandham2
cuz ppl hate how power metal they are cuz they think its "gay" or w.e, which is immature and dirogitory
Friendly Stoat
Call me Sam.
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#14
Quote by Slaytanic1993
You'd be surprised that I actually do listen to stuff like this, wouldn't you ?

I really liked it, very melodic kickass intro. The chorus and prechorus were two of my favorite parts. The only really criticism I have is make the breakdown a bit more than just the usual triplets and dissonant chording.

The ending was a bit of a dissapointment as well, but all in all the song was very cool. 8.9/10. If it wasn't for that outro...


Haha, it does surprise me I have to admit I have been thinking the same about the outro, I might put a chorus at the end with just clean guitars and vocals... You reckon that'd be better?
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Slaytanic1993
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#15
That might be pretty cool, but don't make it too overdramatic. And, make sure it transitions well enough.
R.I.P. Charles Michael "Evil Chuck" Schuldiner
B. May 13 1967 - D. December 13 2001

Quote by eggsandham2
cuz ppl hate how power metal they are cuz they think its "gay" or w.e, which is immature and dirogitory
Friendly Stoat
Call me Sam.
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#16
Quote by Slaytanic1993
That might be pretty cool, but don't make it too overdramatic. And, make sure it transitions well enough.


That's pretty much what I've been struggling with

Cheers for the crit!
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billybusa
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#17
thanks for the crit

this is very nice, I like it alot
I love it when the rythm guitar comes in at bar 10 and the drums are excellent too throughout the entire song.
Not much of a fan of the double bass in the clean part but might work when recorded.
Flows on pretty nicely from there and the riff starting at bar 74 is definatly my favourite in this song but the "very angry part" is pretty awesome too.

I just really like everything from there

avarage 9/10 it's very nice (Y)
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Friendly Stoat
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#18
thanks!
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madhampster
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#19
Thanks for the Crit!!!

I'll go over this while i'm listening.
I love the intro riff, it's very catchy. I also like the chorus lead riff. I love the clean part that starts at measure 34, it's probably my favorite part. "Screamy verse" I love. I like the little arppegio type thing the rythem plays. The breakdown is pretty badass. Overall I liked it alot. I couldn't tell which guitar was lead sometimes lol. But that's ok it doesn't matter. The only thing I could find that I didn't particularly like was; I thought the intro riff was used a little too often. It doesn't hurt the song any though. I still think it was awesome. 8/10
Jeff Loomis

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Friendly Stoat
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#20
Thanks dude
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bakshandloomis
Ug's Metalcore fanboy
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#21
Thanks for the crit!
Starts out awesome. The double kick at bar 34 bugged me to no end. I liked the part starting at 106, but I don't think you should use 2nds, but I almost always hate the use of 2nds. I think the song kind of starting falling apart at bar 122. 122 though the end was alright, but with everything else in the song being much better (IMO, of course) it made the end seem weak.
Overall, I really enjoyed the song, 8/10.
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Quote by Lefty7Stringer
killswitch engage has some dissonant riffs, they're kind grindcore tho

Friendly Stoat
Call me Sam.
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#22
Thanks for the crit mate. I'm definetly gonna add something to the end, I'm trying to make a clean chorus work at the moment. I'm also debating whether to keep the double kick in the clean bit - I kinda like it but a few people have mentioned it.

Cheers!
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JWD32792
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#23
Please record this, it sounds sooo sick
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Friendly Stoat
Call me Sam.
Join date: Jan 2007
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#24
Quote by JWD32792
Please record this, it sounds sooo sick


Thanks dude I'm going to once I've got better recording stuff
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JWD32792
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#25
Be sure to shoot me a PM when its up dude, i'm psyched

EDIT: I checked out your Death/Metalcore song too, you friggin rock dude!
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Camm
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#26
I don't really want to write another crit because I just spent 10 minutes on another song but I would just say you should have tuned to Db so you could have had an open Db chord breakdown. It would have made some of the fingerings a lot easier.

That's all I really have to say. It's a pretty good song but I've heard it tons of times before.
Friendly Stoat
Call me Sam.
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#27
Quote by Camm
I don't really want to write another crit because I just spent 10 minutes on another song but I would just say you should have tuned to Db so you could have had an open Db chord breakdown. It would have made some of the fingerings a lot easier.

That's all I really have to say. It's a pretty good song but I've heard it tons of times before.


I thought about that as well, I'll probs end up doing that.

JWD32792, thanks man
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Mackz23
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#28
Hey I like the song very much! It has a great style man!

And I don't know if it was ment to but i noticed a cowbell at the end of the song in the drums =P
Friendly Stoat
Call me Sam.
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#29
Thanks man. and I didn't spot that cowbell in there, that wasn't meant to happen
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Friendly Stoat
Call me Sam.
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#31
I know what you mean about the rhythm guitar, I've kinda noticed that recently. Oh well. Cheers for the crit, I'll do yours soon.
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Thomasoman
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#32
I've listened to this song quite a few times now. Basically I agree with all that's been said. I initially thought this song wasn't that great and was getting way too good of feedback for what it was, but I've spotted potential in it and I've just been trying to accept this, because honestly I love this genre, however, I think most of my issues with it are in the MIDI. I believe this song would sound fantastic played with actual instruments.


Oh, and the 'Verse - Clean singing' part, bars 34-41, just trash that drum part. If I were you I'd do a basic 4/4 quarter note beat, kick, snare, kick snare, with little embellishments thrown in. short rolls, ect. Thats just how I'd do it, though. Get creative in there, it's a section that has alot of potential for close attention to detail in the drum or even bass track.

But good job, really. It took me a while to get into but I can appreciate what you're doing with it.

I'm not expecting a crit back, but if you want to check out my latest, that'd be cool. Cheers, heres the link: https://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?t=964561
FlyingPooooo
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Join date: Jul 2007
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#33
Thanks for the crit like a month ago. Sorry its taken me sooo long to get back to you...


Man I loveee this song. This is seriously just down my alley. I actually had melodies and all in my head for vocals. I would love to play this song. Great job on it man. Everything fits in nice together. The breakdowns discordants chords were one of my favs. May I suggest constant double bass from 114 to 121? Otherwise this is a greatttt song. Try to break out of the three 16th notes though. That gets a bit generic towards the end.
9/10

Crit?
https://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?t=974448
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#34
I dub this post-hardcore metal.

I love it. Those licks at the end (I think it started at 142) caught me off guard.

This is some excellent screamo in the vain of Circle Takes the Square meets Saosin and some good ol' thrash/metalcore.

The drum work is powerful throughout and just kills.
It's a pretty catchy song as well.
I'm a little conflicted with the ending. It seems a little abrupt, but if you drag on, it might make the song bloated.
Nevermind, it ends on a good note. Listened through for like the 3rd time.

I say 9/10. Something is missing. I can't tell what it is.
Jonathan Trejo
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Join date: Nov 2007
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#35
This is amazing. Clean part is my favorite Chorus is craazzy. 124 is killer!. Great Job

No cons :P Very solid
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Broadsword
The Wild Rover
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#37
Pretty good. It's already been pointed out, but the triplet bass drums don't do well at all over the clean section. But regardless of that, the contrast between that and the slow beat over the rhythm is too much, it's somewhat anticlimactic and doesn't flow very well. I'd suggest a transition of some sort, scrap the double bass over the clean part in general, or add a more powerful drum section to the rhythm part. The first part of the breakdown was kind of boring, but the rest was good.

Other than that, cool stuff.

This time I will ask you to crit mine :
https://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?t=986578
Slicer666
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#38
awesome man. Just awesome.

I read the first couple of reviews before listening to it, and I'd say keep the drum, it's an sort of unexpected turn, but it sounds awesome. The little arpeggiated bits are really cool, and the ending lick somewhat caught me off guard, it could've been a wee bit longer, but it's cool this way overall I'd say an 8/10 up to a 8.7/10, maybe higher once I listened to it abit more often.


oh, btw would you mind if I print out the tab, cuz I think I can use at least some sections for warming up :P
Friendly Stoat
Call me Sam.
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#39
Go for it as long as you don't steal any
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Graveworm
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#40
First off, I'm not a big fan of screamo but I did like your piece. I thought that the intro was great and very catchy. 'The angry bit wasn't my favorite part but it was ok with the song. I think that they solo part was kinda bland and needs more creative work into it. Overall, I thought that it was great song for the screamo genre, great job.